As a little girl, I was obsessed with fairytales and happy endings. During my teenage years, I was in love with the idea of love. It was through many heartaches and heartbreaks that I finally realized the responsibility of my happiness and contentment lies with me. I cannot expect another person to walk into my life and turn it into a garden of roses when I myself, the owner of my own life, is so very bad at it.
This realization was like being struck by thunder. It shook me to the core. The truth is, most of us are all so busy in finding this romanticized Hollywood movie version of true love that we forget “reel” life and real life are very different. We start to believe that no matter what kind of troubles we have in life our one true love will solve it all. Your true love is not some Superman who will save the day. You one true love is just another human being with their own baggage of issues. Someone who probably already has too much on their plate to help you out with yours. This romanticized version of true love is based purely on an unhealthy form of dependency.
True love, in its real essence, is like any other relationship in your life. It will be there with you, it will be there for you, but it will not save the day for you.
Many of us build our lives around the romantic relationships we already have or we want to have. This sort of dependency often kills the relationship. In almost all abusive and unhealthy relationships partners often try to sever you from your family and friends. They become obsessive not only because they are jealous but also because their whole world literally revolves around their partner and they feel lost when their partner isn’t around. This is the biggest reason why we as an individual, should always have an identity and a life out of the relationship. We should have friends, hobbies, interests and an active social life outside of the relationship and besides our partner. That way, you will always have interesting stories to narrate and things to share with your partner instead of the daily mundane question, “How was your day?”
Living a life of abundance has nothing to do with your relationship status.
It is good to have someone to share your joys and sorrows with. But basing your happiness and contentment on your relationship status and how well your relationship is going is tiring for both you and your partner. Nobody wants to be held responsible for someone else’s life or happiness. Being in a relationship doesn’t guarantee your happiness just like not being in one doesn’t mean you will be unhappy. Your happiness is your own responsibility. It is okay for you to depend on your partner on days when everything seems to be going wrong.
But on other days, learn to be independent and lean on your own abilities to solve the issues on your plate.