Who is Prince William?
He’s just a guy who happens to be handsome, sexy, rich, and the future king of England.
Who is Kate Middleton?
They make me look like some cheap gold digger who’s trying to trap you…they have bloody cameras looking up my skirt.
Your mother was an air hostess, right? And your parents have a party supplies business?…You’re not the girl he brings home to meet the queen.
Who is the Queen?
My grandmother will never change. She holds on to the old ways with a passion.
Doesn’t anyone care about Harry?
I’m not the heir, I’m just the spare.
What’s the importance of the royal family?
Half of Britain loves my family, but the other half thinks were an outdated, expensive, extravagant joke…I’m not sure we represent anything except a desperate hold on an irrelevant past.
Why did Will go to the University of St. Andrews?
It’s so far away from everything no one expects anything in public from me here, I can just be myself and blend in.
Why does everyone love Will?
It’s not me they like. It’s the idea of me they like.
How did Kate feel about Will at first?
Oh I’ve already seen him, I think I’m just going to take a shower.
What does Kate love about Will?
I love you too. I love the private you. I love the public you. And I love the you that no one gets to see but me.
Why was Will weary of PDA?
He still wants to keep us private so we’re not bothered by the press.
Was adjusting to post-grad life hard?
This isn’t school where you can just do what you want. This is his real life. His royal life.
Couldn’t the royals do anything to get the paparazzi off Kate?
Kate is not a member of the royal family, so unfortunately she is not entitled to royal protection status. The public purse doesn’t pay to protect our friends.
Why did Will and Kate breakup?
You’re at your sexual peak in life, every girl in the world wants to shag you.
Why did they get back together?
I was wrong. I was stupid and immature, and I don’t want to spend another minute without you…I love you Kate Middleton.
What does Prince Charles like to do on weekends?
We can all have spotted tea and then get changed and go to church.
Is this a fairytale?
A prince does not get serious about a commoner.
Royals only marry royals.
How can Kate avoid upskirt pictures?
One must never allow one’s knees to part, even for a brief moment as here is most likely a photographer with a long lens waiting to snap a picture of your undergarments. Assuming, of course, you wear undergarments.
What can you say to be Will’s BFF?
Sir, I’m applying for the position of your wingman.
Who’s the real winner of the royal wedding?
Hooo hooo Pippa!