And This Is How I Let You Go

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Astrit Malsija / Unsplash

go away, I begged
get out of my head, I pleaded
leave me alone, I screamed

in the beginning
of the inevitable end
memories rained down on me
like a perpetual storm
beating against the windows
of my crumbling mind and my bruised soul
I cried silent tears
on the train
in the shower
even in my sleep.

you know I am nostalgic
I am one to hold tight to memories
but instead, I found my strength
I clicked through my phone
one by one
delete, delete, delete
gone
I do not even miss them.

I am starting to forget
what you look like
and I am so very ok with this
I do not do myself the injustice
of trying to remember
each time I cannot find
a trace of you in my mind
I cheer a little louder for myself
I let you fade away.

I feared going to those places
where we shared a smile
the places we laughed hard
the places our lips met
but the warrior inside of me
understands and accepts
that to overcome this war
I must face my fears head on
so I go and create
new memories
to remove the stains
like bleach
I wash you away.

this is me
slowly moving forward
I find myself
smiling from ear to ear
more often than not.

baby steps, my mind begs
trust in your strength, my soul pleads
you will be more than okay, my heart screams

you know I am nostalgic
I hold on tight to the lessons inside the memories
I find my strength every day
I click through my life
appreciate all the things I have been blessed with
and I cry silent tears
for the extraordinary woman
I am becoming
I hold on to her.

and that is how I let you go. TC mark

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