Sleep is no longer a sanctuary. Simply terror. Gone is the optimism of a happy dream, as only nightmares await. Gone is any sense of safety. No more laughing. No more praying. Why pray? A true god would not let such a curse fall upon me. But something out there has. Something far too sinister for any human to comprehend. How do I know this? I hear it in my dreams.
I have to find it! I have to! I have to…
There’s something out there. There is something out there and I have no idea where it is or what it means.
I found it I finally found it! But what does it mean? Will the voices stop? Please, make them stop.
I have to keep looking. I thought I found it, but dreams were not waiting for me in my subconscious. Another message. Another clue given by the faceless voices coming from the void of my mind. So I will go look. I will go look and I won’t come back until I’ve found it. That image has been burned in my mind by the powers placing it there and I will find it. I thought it was all over but clearly that was only the first step in this cruel test. I have no idea where to look so I’ll go wherever life takes me. If I was chosen as a vessel for this unknown purpose, perhaps the powers in my mind will lead me there. All I want to do is go back. Go back to the days when life was fun. I used to smile. I used to laugh. The darkness was time for reading and writing. Time for peaceful loneliness. Now I write to tell my story. I write with the hope that someone will find this. I may not come back from this search and that is ok. As long as this all stops. I miss the days when Heaven was a tangible goal. Somewhere I could end up if I said my Hail Mary’s and avoided sin. Now I can only laugh at those who believe in such a place. That special place in the sky for all those who give money to the church and tell their darkest secrets to men who have no training in psychology. Do they understand the bigger picture? There is an entire universe out there, led by powers that our beyond our imaginations. I may sound insane, but I know of these powers at be. They speak to me every night. They tell me about the lies of this world and show me what I must find. But the game is coming to and end. No more nightmares and no more fear. I know I sound repetitive but keeping my thoughts straight has gotten to be so hard. That is why it must end. I know I cannot outsmart those in my head, but I can follow their far-too-ambiguous message to move my life forward. Now is the time. I have loved documenting my struggled, but now I must go. Not to Heaven. Not to Hell. Just hopefully somewhere where I can once again have a smile on my face.