That Time I Dated A Porn Star

There was this list floating around after we graduated. Something to the effect of “Things you had to do while at Western.” On it was a bunch of generic college crap; go to this bar on this night, see this guy perform acoustic guitar, have sex on the 5th floor of the library, etc… But one item stood out to my friends and me: See the porn filmed just off campus.

_____

One morning, while I was still in school as a post-grad, a good friend of mine — let’s call him Jon — texted me something that my hungover/still drunk self couldn’t quite comprehend.

“Was [Lauren] ever in a porno?”

I texted back: “F-ck off, it’s too early for this.”

He persisted, “No, no really, google this: University Takeover 4. You have to tell me if it’s her.”

“Allllright.”

As I Googled University Takeover 4, I called my text-eager friend and started to watch the preview.

Less than two minutes in, I realized it is Lauren — my then-girlfriend of almost two years — WASTED, and with shorter hair.

Damn.

The whole clip is just over three minutes long. She appears multiple times, in the various stages of sexy time activities that she seems just coherent enough to perform (#dark). I took a deep breath. I then ran to the toilet.

And violently threw up. This was a less than preferable way to regain your sobriety.

My memory of what I did next is hazy. I was at a loss. A moral issue presented itself. We had been very close to “officially” breaking up for a while now. The day I witnessed this video was the day she was leaving to go on a month-long Birthright trip (I know).

Now, it’s important to bear in mind that I thought loved this girl. There were a number of times when we bared our souls to one another and as such, had ample opportunity to have spoken about this. Had I heard about this from her, I’d like to think things could have gone differently (they wouldn’t have). You would have to think I’d find out about this sooner or later. The city we went to school in is not that big.

So what was I supposed to do? Call her up, tell her I knew about this, proceed to get angry and alienate myself from her right before she’s about to leave? Or, sit on this, take the ‘high road’ and wait until she gets back?

Snap decision. I called. I had no idea what to say.

I took the ‘high road,’ otherwise known as being a pussy. I made the call seem friendly and like I was wishing her well on her trip. I choked on all the words I wanted to say, and all the anger that I was stifling. We talked for only a few minutes. It was cordial but distant. I felt like a liar. She was flying to Israel in a few hours where I knew she’d get hit on (at the very least) by a ton of horny Jewish dudes. But given what I just witnessed, that thought passed quickly.

Off to Israel Lauren went.

_____

The month passed, and she called me upon her return. She’s near where I live at her new Birthright bff’s place, and she convinced me to come get her (whatever, she was hot). She needed a ride to her family home in a town an hour outside the city. I brought her back to my place. We talked. I got angry. She cried. I asked “Why didn’t you ever tell me?” too many times. We had sex (we all knew that’s where this was going). She told me she didn’t hook up with any of the Jewish dudes who were all up in her business. I didn’t care anymore.

Immediately post coitus, I am entirely filled with dread. We get dressed. Not only do I want her to leave, but I’ve never wanted to be farther away from her in my life. Aaaaand we’re about to get into the car for an hour.

Damn.

We smoke a joint before the drive (because I am responsible). I also buy cigarettes.

After that, we didn’t speak again. And haven’t since. That was over three years ago.

_____

I eventually started to tell my friends about this. People seemed to love this story. Nearly everyone I’d end up telling had seen the video, and watching their face connect the dots was a pretty good time.

One of my oldest friends bought the DVD. He and his wife watched the entire thing with another couple that I’m also very close with. I never could watch the DVD. They waited quite a while to tell me that they’d done this. Finally, they thought it was time to ‘joke’ about it and air out what they’d been dying to tell me about the video and this girl in general. It didn’t help that they never really liked her.

At the time, it hurt to hear about what else happened on the video. And I felt embarrassed that I loved this girl. My whole romance was invalidated. I came to realize that this was probably the reason her two previous boyfriends had broken up with her. I also discovered that her parents had found out, and as you can imagine that news caused them some distress. They tried to sue the production company but were not successful as she had signed a waiver. This company made porn — of course they had waivers, and students are dumb.

After all of this, I felt sorry for her. Sorry that she felt she could never tell me, sorry that she had to live with that and sorry that it’ll never go away. At least I did. Now I just don’t care. TC mark

More From Thought Catalog

  • Anonymous

    who hasnt dated a porn star

    it’s 2012

  • Jas

    Sometimes, I fucking hate girls.

    • Guestropod

      Because…?  

    • http://twitter.com/jalbus jalbus in NOLA

      you and the author have a lot in common, then, it seems. 

  • Guest

    She’s much better off without you, dude. MUCH BETTER.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1552230509 Blake Austin

      Damn. That was way rude and way unnecessary. 

      • http://www.facebook.com/grc15r Gregory Costa

        If your dashing smile and handsome chin are any indication of the rest of you, I’d like to see you in Blake Does Austin.  I mean, half your head could be a mess…but that’s a risk Greg Costa is willing to take. 

      • Fcbj

        a bit of a forced joke. try harder

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1552230509 Blake Austin

        You’re a real charmer, Grego. I think I’ll change my profile picture just for you and look forward to commenting on your next article.
         -)   
         (I’m winking in that emoticon… You just can’t tell…) 

      • http://www.facebook.com/grc15r Gregory Costa

        I’ve never been called Grego before.  Greg, Gregory, Gregory Russell Costa…but never Grego.  I’m liking it.

  • Laura

    That is horrible and disgusting, and really sad for her.  People make mistakes, but that is so nasty.  Poor girl.  

  • http://twitter.com/gogogadgetpoet Michael J. Martin

    This is good. Great. I wanted more extrapolation, but whatever, its your story. I want to know the details. What else went on in the full length DVD? I’ve dated chicks that I would swear were pornstars, or maybe thought they wanted to be. I swear. But, I don’t think they were. Or maybe, like you, since they are so far distanced now, I just don’t care.

  • GUEST

    Kyle, let me be one of many people who will undoubtedly say this in your lifetime, “You are an awful human being and need to learn what it means to respect people REGARDLESS of their past.”

    The fact that you keep writing about this and telling people about this story is pathetic.

    YOU are pathetic.

    • http://www.facebook.com/grc15r Gregory Costa

       He’s right.  It’s disgusting.  And you’re disgusting for perpetuating this.  Now what’s the name of that DVD again?Research purposes only.

  • Anonymous

    you sound like a catch bru!

  • Jennierk

    Kyle Angeletti- more embarrassing of a human being than the girl in question.

  • Rishtopher

    I don’t really get the anger here… You were angry because she appeared in a porno, but from your story, it’s not she was a dedicated pornstar, right? Maybe I’m missing details, but are you angry because she’s slept with other guys, or that she didn’t tell you immediately (I doubt it would’ve been a fun topic to bring up)? 

    I’d be more concerned as to whether or not either of you were at risk to STIs/STDs. I think that’s why I’d never (knowing) date a pornstar. Or anyone really into casual sex I guess.

  • JoAnna

    slut shaming much? maybe she did it for the experience, and maybe she enjoyed herself. you don’t explain why you were so angry. if she cheated on you during the porno, yeah, i get where you’re coming from, but if it’s just from the past and that’s the only thing you got from it, then damn. chill out.

  • Anonymous

    I really disagree with the people here calling him pathetic whatsoever. I agree we shouldn’t dwell so much in the past, but like come on, a freakin porn? She can’t be THAT stupid. She’s fully aware what she’s getting herself into and the consequences are tough but it’s her own fault. We’ve all made mistakes and we all need to pay for them, but some mistakes are harder to forgive than others. I’d never be able to be with a guy who’s been in a porn movie.
    It was a great post, must’ve been an aweful experience.

    • Jennierk

      We all make mistakes, and it sounds like this girl made a huge one that will inevitably follow her throughout her life. Preying on intoxicated college kids and distributing on a public forum doesn’t make you a hero either. I personally think he’s pathetic because he let her one moment of stupidity define and affect the memories of the good that they had and shared. Two dimensional, is all I can say.

  • SDC

    How many other people just Googled “University Takeover 4”? 

    • Guestropod

      I did immediately

      • David Cronenberg

        As did I

  • http://twitter.com/jalbus jalbus in NOLA

    The obvious reason she didn’t tell you is because, well, she isn’t fucking dumb: she knew you were an incredibly misogynistic, slut-shaming douchebag. You said it yourself: “had I heard about this from her, I’d like to think things could have gone differently (they wouldn’t have).”  So, what was this “whore” supposed to do? If she didn’t tell you, she was a lying disgrace of a woman (in your eyes). If she did, she was an honest disgrace of a woman (in your eyes). You fucking suck, dude. 

    • Guest

      I think by the “(they wouldn’t have)” comment he just meant that their relationship was already failing…I think it was a bad look for all parties but this guy clearly isn’t some radical sexist like some of these comments are making him out to be. 

  • guest

    Hahaha, this is the most typical Western story I have ever heard. Embarrassing on both ends. 

  • Guest-ish

    From reading the comments I’ve deduced the amount of man-hate on this entire website is now palpable. Ew. Good luck, future male writers of TC, in expressing your feelings without getting spat on. 

    • Guestropod

      that’s dramatic

    • Jennierk

      It’s not man-hate, it’s douchebag disappointment.

    • TCGuest

      I love Oliver Miller! How dare you stereotype. I just want my male writers to be not complete self-absorbed assholes who use their “that time i did that really hot chick” stories to get fame. Cool story bro.

  • ANONYNON

    Are you serious? You were that traumatized because you saw her in one porn video (not even a full video, a preview)? How do you even know that she’s a pornstar, that she does this full time? Maybe she just did that one video for the experience. Hell, I’d do one for the experience. Grow up. Many people have done some irresponsible things in the past. That doesn’t make them bad people. Whether she made one mistake or does porn for a living, you have no right to judge her. Get over your male privilege and see the big picture.

  • Will

    Did you really need to name the porno she was in?

  • Me

    There are so many levels to this post and the responses to it and it says so much about the hate and distrust in our society.

    The girl, Lauren, the post is about has every right to do anything she wants with her body and her life.   That said, given how small a university campus is she should expect that sooner or later someone she knew would inevitably see the movie.  She should expect that despite modern day feminism there are certain culturally ingrained moral notions that many people share, the validity of which are still being discussed.  That a man reacts exactly the same way maybe 80 percent male and female of society would, is not misogynistic and any suggestion that it is, is indeed misandry. 

    Lauren undoubtedly knew that people would object to this part of her past, or else she would have had the courage to tell a long term partner about it.  The writer of this piece acted like a douche by not having the courage to talk through the situation after he found out about it, and instead chose write about it here effectively “slut shaming” her. 

  • bee

    should have stopped reading after the Western name drop

  • Chillin

    all the ppl talking about “slut-shaming” and ” poor girl” obvi missed the point of this and really like using buzzwords and shit. this is less about what she did and more about what she didnt do. i dont think her conscious decision to take a load in the face on film is being attacked here, but the fact that she didnt share this information with someone she was in a serious relationship with is pretty sheisty. idk, finding out yr significant other was in a porno and failed to mention it at any point in the relationship doesnt seem like an invalid dealbreaker to me.

    all in all, im embarrassed for all parties involved. good read tho

    • Jake

      you’re completely grounded and you’re on another planet at the same time with this comment and i dig it

  • Someone

    … He is the one who thought he was in love with a chick that made a video and everyone is hating on HIM? 
    Like, hello… stay with your feet on the ground. People calling him and douchebag for not accepting that she made a PORN video. 
    like, would  you tolerate that from your partner? 
    I doubt it. get real. 

    • Jennierk

      Even with all the understanding in the world, I wouldn’t have forgiven my partner for keeping a secret like that from me which I had to find out from someone else. However, I call him a bonafide douchebag because he let one-out-character mistake taint the memories of their WHOLE relationship. He lacks integrity also by publicly disclosing the video title, and therefore her identity. *Big voice* DOOOOUUUCCCHHHEEBBBAAAAAGGGG.

  • JD

    Anyone have a link to the preview? Quick google did a whole lotta nothing

  • guesty

    man, when i studied abroad last year a friend of mine started going out with a personal trainer from the local gym. it turned out she was also a part-time porn star, and a big name one at that, at least within the country. everyone in my program thought that was awesome and that he’d gotten lucky. wasn’t expecting such a downer when i started reading this, really think you overreacted.

  • Rasonm

    Wow. A young university girl is taken advantage of while drunk, and has to live with the consequences of what was likely a sexual assault for her entire life. And you’re the victim? Disgusting, victim-blaming, misogynistic discourse. This post should be removed.

    • For

      Wow! Here is the “I refuse to take responsibility for my own actions” contingent.

      • Guestropod

        even the author admits she seemed barely coherent enough to perform

      • Guest

        Coherent enough to sign a waiver?

  • Missogonist

    Don’t let women get away with everything they’ll be better people for it, I’m all for slut shaming. Don’t accept a raw deal.

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