Read These Hilarious Amazon Reviews For A Banana Slicer

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Poetry can be found anywhere, especially in the Amazon reviews for a life-changingly efficient banana slicer such as the Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer. Collected below are some of the gems:

“SW3K” writes

For decades I have been trying to come up with an ideal way to slice a banana. “Use a knife!” they say. Well…my parole officer won’t allow me to be around knives. “Shoot it with a gun!” Background check…HELLO! I had to resort to carefully attempt to slice those bananas with my bare hands. 99.9% of the time, I would get so frustrated that I just ended up squishing the fruit in my hands and throwing it against the wall in anger. Then, after a fit of banana-induced rage, my parole officer introduced me to this kitchen marvel and my life was changed.

“Mrs Toledo” weighs in

What can I say about the 571B Banana Slicer that hasn’t already been said about the wheel, penicillin, or the iPhone…. this is one of the greatest inventions of all time.

“Mo Synth” is a fan/owns a pet turtle

My name is Manolo. I like bananas. I also like snow cones and scwurls [sic]. I am 37 years old. My mom says Im difernt [sic] becuase she drank when she made me. Oh I also like bananas. My dad is a ingenier [sic]. He likes bananas to[o]. I only have 9 fingers. I cut my finger off trying to slice a banana. Im not alowed to use sharp things no more. I love the banana slicer. It doenst [sic] cut my fingers off and get blood on my banana. My pet turtul likes bananas to. His name is Turtuljack. When I grow up I want to invent somethin kool like the babana slicer and sell it on amazon.

“Pen15” was honest in his review, thank God

The curve of this product is directly proportional to my penis. I recently tied this to my package and used it as a slap chop for bananas. thanks banana slicer

“Darla,” however, is not so pleased

This slicer needs to be a different color. I have memory problems & if I am halfway through slicing a banana and the phone rings, I’m completely thrown off track and forget I am [mid]-slice. Then, because the Hutzler 571 is yellow just like my banana, I can’t see it, so I have to tear through the kitchen. Usually I end up huddled in the corner in the fetal position after this. I order a new one to replace the one I thought I lost, and the replacement will be — yes you guessed it — yellow. The cycle begins again. TC mark

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