It all came so fast. Meeting you, talking to you, visiting you, wanting you, needing you.
And then it ended, faster than it had even began.
A few days after another picture perfect weekend with you, I could feel you drifting. And I wanted nothing more than for it to stop. For you to remember the immediate chemistry that is so rare when you meet a person for the first time, the immediate connection and conversation that you have with people you have known forever.
But it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough. The distance became too much. The spark began to fade and I realized I was holding onto someone who wasn’t ready for all that I was willing to give them.
But I still miss you. And what I felt. What we felt when we were together. There are ten things I will forever cherish no matter where life takes us.
1. I miss your drive and passion you put towards everything in your life, from investments to research and even the littlest things. It was infectious, and I admired you for it.
2. I miss your carefree attitude, the way you were always up for an adventure, constantly wanting to get outside and do activities, even if it meant sitting through a musical I’m sure you didn’t like with me.
3. I miss the encouraging late-night texts, the ones reminding me I would kill an interview or test, and if I didn’t, telling me your own hidden struggles to remind me there is a positive side to just about everything.
4. I miss the sound of your laugh and the way you laughed at almost anything—all of my stupid jokes and pointless remarks.
5. I miss your eyes staring back at me, the wide eyed look you would give me from across a crowded room, making me feel like I was the only one there.
6. I miss the way you spoke with such confidence and the slight accent that I came to know and love, no matter how you pronounced certain words.
7. I miss the early morning and late night drives, you opening the door for me (something so rare in this generation), followed by your hand entangled in mine as we quietly sang to our favorite songs.
8. I miss the way you walked, always moving quickly but with such grace, even if you begged to differ.
9. I miss how you intently listened. No matter the subject or time, I knew I could always count on you.
10. I miss the way you made me feel and the way I knew I made you feel too, constantly lifting each other up after a bad day and strengthening each other’s happiness on a good day.
I know when you’re really ready for that significant other and you think back to what we had and all that we could have had, you will miss me too.
But I no longer promise I will be there.