It’s only day two and already I am overwhelmed beyond belief by what feels like an air raid attack of men. And I mean that in the least egotistical way as possible. Honestly, if you have a way to filter your photos, and no visible birth defects, like 5 noses, this domain is a cyst pool of creepy, very forward panther men. And within the past 48 hours, I’ve learned some very important things…
1. Don’t Mention Yoga
Learning moment number one: even if you do yoga for wonderfully spiritual purposes, and you thought that putting that on your profile will make you seem more well-rounded and physically fit, DON’T. Many men will introduce themselves by saying, “I love a girl in yoga pants.” Creepy, and very shallow in my opinion. If you conjured up a better approach, you may have found that I am more than a pair of stretchy pants. Delete.
If however you do want people to introduce themselves that way to you because they are intrigued about your butt, then by all means, more power to you.
2. You Wonder ‘Why’ A Lot
Like why does this guy have a picture of all these dead deer and yet claims to be vegetarian? Or why is this guy from Australia messaging me if I clearly indicated I wanted people nearby? Why do so many people respond to the question “what are doing with your life” with the vague, somewhat douchy answer of “living it”? The biggest why though is wondering why these people are on this site. Are we all just bored and losing our social skills? And why are you on this site at 2:00 in the morning on New Year’s Day too?
3. You Don’t Want to Admit it, but It’s Addicting
You wake up and wonder, ‘how many new messages did I acquire during my REM cycle?’ You get out of the shower and see if within those past 10 minutes, your possible soul mate checked out your profile. You pick out your outfit carefully for that day just in case one of the people you’ve been talking to happens to recognize you. But then, that leads to feeling like every guy you see knows you from your username, and you squint a little deeper at the guy sitting across from you at the coffee shop to see if that’s ‘bigmanstrongguy09’ in the flesh. God you hope not.
4. You Feel Powerful
All those afternoons spent reading quaintly by the fireplace, oblivious to the small social bubble you’ve subconsciously put yourself in, seems like a distant past. You had NO IDEA how many people there were in this world! But one wrong move, and those guys become disposable. Sure they might be great people, but you don’t have time for that! You have men with great beards to flirt with! And what’s more, you actually have the control to dictate your potential next relationship. Don’t want a shallow guy? Ignore the man who won’t talk to you until he sees a better picture of your face. Want someone with more personality? Good bye to the man who has only said hey three times and never asked you a question. And the best part? If a guy is actually being rude and/or inappropriate to you, you have every right to speak your mind. It’s great practice for the real world.
5. You Realize How Many People Are Lonely
Because after all, isn’t that really what the core of online dating is? Most people I know that have a dating profile have one not because they feel fulfilled in every aspect of life. We all seek connection and adoration on some level because we’ll all human. I find this to be true especially now, at the beginning of the New Year because who knows, a new year could mean a new someone important entering your life. Just got to weed threw those panthers first.