What If Fantasy Basketball And The Bachelor Were the Same?

Amazon / ABC, The Bachelor
Amazon / ABC, The Bachelor

I have been watching The Bachelor since the show premiered, but I have only been in a fantasy basketball league for two years. Recently I have come to the realization that The Bachelor and fantasy sports are incredibly similar. In fantasy sports leagues you basically create your dream team from a selection of every player in the NBA. You receive picks which create an order within your league. Your first round pick is your most desired player. Whether you’re an open or closet Bachelor fan and/or enjoy fantasy sports you will be entertained by this article.

The Bachelor waits anxiously for the first limo to arrive after talking to his league manager, Chris Harrison, the host of The Bachelor. The Bachelor knows this will be his one and only league. In fantasy sports you usually have a chance to scout your possible players but The Bachelor has not been given this opportunity. He has no stats on the Bachelorettes (players) as they exit the limos to meet him. Once inside he has approximately 2 minutes with each bachelorette or less if he desires, and as all you fantasy players know this is about the time that you receive to make your picks.

Chris Harrison comes into the cocktail party and puts out the “First Impression Rose” on the table which gives The Bachelor an opportunity to make his “first round pick.” So at the end of the first cocktail party The Bachelor “drafts” his team for the season. As the season progresses he has group dates and one on one dates. Sports leagues have what they call the waiver wire where all the players who haven’t been picked to be on fantasy teams are available for pick up. You can search these players by a number of categories (listed below) or using the player rater. The Bachelor uses his own judgment to create his lineup of the week by picking contestants to go on these group and one and one dates. He rates his bachelorettes and decides who will go out “play” as part of the starting lineup and who will stay on the bench for the week.

Lastly, you win weekly by taking 5 out of 9 categories; this is specific to fantasy basketball. The categories are listed below and then my take on transforming these into The Bachelor categories below them.

FANTASY BASKETBALL CATEGORIES

  • Field Goal % – % of shots made
  • Free Throw % – % of shots made at the line
  • 3 Pointers – This one is pretty self-explanatory and so are this….Rebounds, Assists, Steals, Blocks, Turnovers, Points

THE BACHELOR FANTASY CATEGORIES

  • Field Goal % – How is her everyday performance including cooking, cuddling, kissing, thoughtfulness, etc.
  • Free Throw % – When she is faced with a stressful situation is she able to rise to the occasion?
  • 3 Pointers – Does have a special interest or skill away from her time with you?
  • Rebounds – Is this girl able to be alone or does she latch onto a man immediately after a relationship?
  • Assists – Does this girl have good friends that she’s there for?
  • Steals – Is this girl jealous easily and takes all your time away from yourself and your friends?
  • Blocks – Does she block you from doing the things you love or meeting other bachelorettes?
  • Turnovers – Mood swings? Psychotic tendencies? Meltdowns?
  • Points – An overall sum of all the little things that make her the girl you give a rose to…well at least for this week.

In fantasy sports you do have the opportunity to drop players and pick up others and make trades but unfortunately The Bachelor doesn’t have that luxury. I mean come on, THAT would make the show unethical. TC mark

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