It was the end of the world for me. At least it felt like that.
I was stuck in a career that was more depressing than the breakup I had with someone I didn’t even have a relationship with. Okay, erase that. They’re equally depressing. My best friend left the country for good. I was far away from my family. Everything was falling apart and there was no one to turn to but myself. I only had me.
It made me weak in every part of me. I couldn’t think straight. I was crying a lot. I was not happy. Nothing was making me happy anymore. Not knowing any better, I did what I thought was the best thing to do at that time: I quit my job, packed my bags, booked a ticket, and set off somewhere far from all the craziness that was dumped on my shoulders.
I left. I ran away.
A few quiet days on my own–sometimes with people I met on the road–I realized how big of a coward I was running away from everything. But then, what’s everything? I was jobless and single. I just couldn’t go back home and pass on my burden to my family, could I? There was nothing more to lose.
I could only start again, so I did.
Being where nobody knew what happened, I let myself go and be. I let people come and go, learning and taking as much stories and lessons from them as the pieces of me and my life that I share. I listened more, talked less. I joined everything I could. I ate everything that looked edible–even those that didn’t. I danced to music foreign to my ears and my body. I dipped in every body of water there was. I soaked in the sun, not minding that getting a tan was not on my list. I chopped my hair off that the tips now touch my shoulders rather than my waist. I tried speaking every language my new found friends tried teaching me. I took road trips and long drives to other cities and countries with people I only met.
And then I forgot.
I forgot the wreck that I was. The tears and all the feelings that weighed me down, all the reasons I wasn’t happy. I forgot what it was like to have the world on my shoulders.
Looking back to what my life was like a few weeks back, I would say it’s true that an arrow can only be shot by pulling it backwards. I’m still not in the best place but I am happy now. I am reunited with the happy me who settle for nothing but the things that make her the happiest. What’s better is, I am now able to, one by one, tackle the things I ran away from.
Running away is not always the best solution. I can’t say it’s the most courageous and responsible way of handling things, most especially when you’re at a crossroad in your life. What I do know is this: when your heart is in pieces, look and bend down not to cry, but to pick up every bit of it…then leave. Leave all that breaks your heart, for the love of yourself and the great things in life that await you.