I still remember the first man I fell in love with. I was 21. So young and hopeful and in love with love. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that I ever loved him. Some days I look back on that relationship and wonder why I stayed so long. Other days I look back fondly and am happy that the first man who ever loved me was such a kind one.
After a breakup, it can be difficult to remember the good times and the reasons they made you happy. At the end of a relationship, things are often so bitter and angry that you forget you once laughed and thought the world of this person.
It took me a year to overcome the heartbreak that came with losing my first love. It was my decision to break up, but that didn’t make it any easier. I still agonized over the choice. Was it the right one? Should I have tried harder? Was this something I would regret for the rest of my life? I hated myself for being the one who hurt him in a way he had never been hurt before. It was necessary for me to cut him out of my life, and to this day I haven’t spoken more than 10 words to him in the past three years.
But that’s okay. I know he is happy. I know he is loved. I know he is achieving all of the things I wished for him when we were together. And for that I am eternally grateful. He is a good man. He just wasn’t the one for me.
See, he was the first man who ever really saw me. He was the first one who loved me in a way I will always appreciate. He told me I was beautiful every single day and made me feel like the most special person in the world.
I’ve changed so much since we were together, and I love the person I am today. I don’t talk to him anymore, but I hope he realizes how big of an impact he made on me and the expectations I have for love. It didn’t work out, but he helped shape what I want in a relationship and what I deserve, and that is something that I will carry with me for a lifetime.