I Never Said Loving Me Would Be Easy

Sometimes, loving me will be hard. 

There will be nights where my whiskey-flavored lips will taste like a hurricane of disarrayed abandonment. My jaw will uncontrollably unhinge and pour out confessions that are so unapologetically bitter, my taste buds will revolt against my own tongue. We will argue like two oceans colliding against each other, plucking revolutions along the coastline. We will send careless casualties from Hong Kong straight to Boston. 

There will be mornings where your mind will be poisoned with the heavy thoughts of me leaving you. You will wonder if your loyal affection will be strong enough to reach across tectonic plates and surpass 13 different time zones. You will illogically convince yourself that I cunningly tricked you into loving my flaws, just so I would know what it feels like to destroy a heartbeat that is not my own. You once said that I was the grenade rocking between your ribs, and that I had the launch code to dismantle you entirely. But darling, didn’t you know that anything worth loving needs loving to keep it? 

There will be days where you will feel as if your love for me has evaporated into the hemisphere, and my soul will be far too heavy to be held between your humble hands. You will detest how I have perpetrated your language, sinking my fangs into every joke you tell on stage and every Bruce Springsteen song you hear on the radio. You will hate me for the songs I sing in my bedroom, and how I churn out heartache into pixels for the whole damn world to judge. 

There will be weeks where you will not feel my skin against your skin, and you will miss the way my kisses taste like hope in human form. You will miss the way I slowly pour my stories and poems down your vertebrae, and how the collision of our molecules leaves a hundred thousand stars on your skin. You will miss the way our collarbones crumble into each other, and how I am the only name your mouth remembers when you drink whiskey. 

And during those moments where loving me seems like the hardest thing in the universe, I need you to remember this:

I need you to remember that I am so utterly in love with you, and will continue loving you until you want no more of it. That I will love you fiercely when you feel like you least deserve it, and boldly when time slips like sand between kissed fingers. I will love you quietly when you make mistakes, and will be there to pick up the broken pieces, cutting my hands on every tattered edge. I will love you in your nomadic forms, and say your name with hope in my chest.

Sometimes, loving me will be hard; but I promise you, that all of this chaotic madness will all be worth it when we see each other again. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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