What is difficult is knowing that slowly I am not thinking of you anymore.
I’m slowly forgetting what you felt like.
What I felt like in your presence.
It hadn’t hit me until today.
When I realized our anniversary had just passed
and it did not cross my mind.
YOU did not cross my mind.
You see what is truly saddening is knowing that one day, I will not remember at all.
I will not remember the details you put into the letters you gave me.
The way you strategically picked out cards with images of future places we would venture to.
I will not remember gloomy mornings sipping hot coffee with you next to me.
I will not remember the sound of your voice as you called out for me.
Or the way your hair fell across your face while you played the guitar.
Slowly I am forgetting the pink, purple, blue hues that tinted the evening sky spent hundreds of feet above Los Angeles that summer.
Consciously this is what I chose.
I chose to walk away from a fleeting relationship that no longer served me.
I chose to walk away from the piercing words you engraved in me.
I chose to walk away from every argument.
I chose to walk away from sleepless nights.
I chose to walk away from excuses. Your excuses.
and it got so bad,
that being in love with you no longer was enough.
And going through the momentary melancholy of you was far easier than being in your presence.
Our time together showed me how to walk away from toxic patterns.
From what no longer was meant to be.
I learned that loving someone doesn’t mean it’s meant to be.
I learned that love sometimes changes.
In the end –
I chose self-love.