In my head, I am smooth. In reality, I have a tendency to embarrass myself in front of people I am interested in.
The next morning, I checked my email — a daily ritual, before I get out of bed. Amidst the usual junk — an advertisement for a free trip to Jamaica or a 50% off offer from a store I didn’t really like — there was a University-wide safety alert.
Regardless of your relationship status, everyone deserves a lil’ loving on Valentine’s Day! Here’s a playlist to get your night going.
“How poetic of you.” I rolled my eyes. “But don’t be melodramatic.”
“You are a booger.”
1. He takes you to get sushi for dinner, during which he makes you laugh so hard that you snort soy sauce out of your nose — a gaffe that he finds endearing rather than repulsive. He even offers to help you wipe off your face.
“Hm, okay.” Guy Number One picked his phone up again. “Should I text her now? Or…later, you think?”
How am I supposed to love someone else fully when I don’t even know what my favorite burrito toppings are? I need to know myself before I try to know someone else.
Before I have time to make up my mind, you head my way, elbowing a path towards me. Someone you knocked into glares at you; you don’t apologize.
5. Someone offers you a red solo cup filled with an unknown orange liquid, which you decline. Instead, you pour yourself a chaste cup full of tonic water. Since when did you become such a grandma?