1. You haven’t seen your roommate in days because you are spending every single spare second, leading up to your midterm exams, in your college library — so much time, in fact, that you have considered keeping a Snuggie and a pillow in your backpack so you can just camp out in your cubicle between classes.
2. Speaking of the library, you’ve discovered where its showers are — realizing that what you once thought was myth sadly exists (more pitifully, you’ve contemplated using these showers so you don’t have to waste precious study time to go home and use the shower in your apartment).
3. You’ve started to look so pale and feeble from exhaustion that at least five different people have asked if you’re currently sick — including the professor whose parent vibes make you resent him or her less for assigning so much homework.
4. However, the dark circles under your eyes are so prominent that — as one of your male friends helpfully suggests — you no longer need make-up because your raccoon eye is 100 percent natural.
5. You are fairly certain that your vision is deteriorating from staring too intently at the fine print in your textbooks, and you’ve begun to wonder who will pay for the Botox you’re going to need after exams to take care of these stress winkles.
6. On a similar note, you’re sure that you’re only two steps away from developing carpel tunnel syndrome after annotating more pages of notes that you can possibly remember or ever use in your life. When will memorizing the ins and outs of Caesar’s advisor’s daughter’s opinion on Brutus ever become relevant in the Real World?
7. You now know from firsthand experience that, yes, it is possible to fall asleep while standing up. It is also possible — very, very possible — to fall asleep during an exam, waking up to your less-than-pleased professor hovering over you.
8. The barista who works at the coffee shop on campus has started sneaking extra shots of espresso into your drinks, free of charge. You realize how pathetic you must seem for this to happen, but, hey, you’ll take as much caffeine as you can get.
9. Chugging energy drinks no longer gives you wings but now puts you to sleep.
10. You are not usually an angry person, but you feel disproportionately furious towards the couple sharing the cubicle next to yours as they make out (loudly) while giggling to what looks like a foreign language soap opera and poking one another in the stomach. Come on.
11. Most of the time, you love college almost as much as Asher Roth, but, recently, you’ve started to miss high school — when the livin’ was easy and your work ethic centered around skimming your notes to reruns of Gossip Girl.
12. You never understood why people thought sunrises were so beautiful, but you do know now that the sun colors the sky a magnificent shade of tangerine when it first appears in the morning — around the same time you finally get to bed.
13. Though you have worn the same pair of sweatpants for three days in a row and you haven’t washed your hair in even longer, your friends know better than to say anything and risk detonating the bomb of stress and grumpiness you have become.
14. What has been powering you through the last several days and will power you through the next few is the knowledge that, as soon as you set down your pencil and turn in your last midterm, you will head straight home. There, you will turn off your phone and climb promptly into bed. However, before falling asleep for longer than you thought capable of man, you will smile to yourself because — praise the exam gods — you will have made it through Hell Week. After all, #college.