Last week’s #darkbuzzfeed craze took over Twitter as users Tweeted ideas for lists that were more somber than Buzzfeed’s usual content. In honor of #darkbuzzfeed, here’s a list of the eleven worst kinds of experiences anyone can have — perhaps more gut-wrenchingly terrible (and certainly more #real) than world war, famine, or the government shutdown.
1. When you reach for the last Pringle after an exhausting-yet-mediocre night out in a tin of your favorite flavor and realize that all that remains are crumbs and fragmented pieces — broken just like what’s left of your dignity.
2. When you buy a steaming cup of coffee and promptly spill it down the front of your brand-new shirt as soon as you walk outside. That coffee might be hot, but you’re not anymore. Bonus points if someone you know witnesses this.
3. When you text someone about a relatively important or time-conscious matter, and they don’t respond but have their read receipts turned on. So, you can tell they’re ignoring you.
4.When you strut around campus and assume that more guys than usual are checking you out (because you actually put on clothes other than yoga pants and a sweatshirt this morning) but some kindly person comes up and informs you that the back of your dress is tucked into your underwear.
5. When you kiss someone who seems to think that their objective should be subsuming as much of your face as possible with their mouth, and you have no idea how to extract yourself from the slobbery situation at hand. Bonus points if their breath smells like three-day-old tuna salad.
6. When you show up to your three o’clock class so nauseous from the party you went to the night before that you have to leave twice during lecture to vomit. And when you return to class and realize that you have flecks of some unknown goop on your collar.
7. When your 12-year-old brother has a more consistent romantic relationship than you do, and all you can wish is that you could also find someone who’d be willing to spend hours marathon-ing SpongeBob Squarepants and eating rainbow-colored Goldfish with you — sexual attraction not necessary.
8. When the fire alarm in your co-ed dorm goes off while you’re in the shower, and you have to wait outside with the hundred or so other students who live with you until the fire trucks come. All while naked and still soapy under a towel that is so short it threatens to expose body parts that you only sometimes let see the light of day.
9. When you spend the entire day smiling at the people you run into — including that dude you hoped would ask you out this weekend — without realizing that you have a hearty chunk of spinach stuck between your front teeth.
10. When you try to break it down on the dance floor to impress someone and end up tripping over your own feet, in heels that looked good in the store but are too high to actually navigate. And you manage to fall flat on your butt much to nobody’s enticement.
11. When you use the bathroom in someone else’s house, and the toilet doesn’t flush properly so you have to ask them, head hung low in shame, to flush it for you — there’s nothing lower than that.