Yesterday I was having a conversation with a male friend of mine regarding his current dating situation. He was involved with a girl who was, according to him, “playing games.”
Sometimes she would want to hang out every day for a week straight while others she would avoid him for days. She would say she didn’t want to be exclusive, but she would get upset if he did so much as talk to another girl.
As he went on about her being hot and cold and the other ways she was messing with him, I began to think about all the games we as women actually play that men aren’t even involved in…
For starters there is the “I better eat this entire bag of Oreos to get them out of the house” game because if you eat them all, it’s like they never existed, right? Your taste buds may win, but your ass will definitely lose this one.
This is usually followed by the “I’ll start Monday” game. Which turns into the “Monday of next week” game…then the “Wait, is New Year’s on a Monday” game?” You can participate in this game up to 52 times a year, but may I suggest also playing the “get your ass a gym membership” game as well before your jeans forfeit.
Anybody else play the “Let’s see how close I can come to killing myself with out actually doing it” game? You know the one…when you’re feeling down about something, you watch every sad movie you can think of/ listen to the most depressing songs you can find on repeat in order to make yourself feel the absolute worst you possibly can. If you have every watched “The Fault in our Stars” while listening to The Smiths, you are the champion.
Every girl reading this has played the “I lost my phone” game. The rules are simple, you must make everyone in the bar search for it as you dump the entire contents of your purse violently onto the floor while your phone is safely tucked in your pocket the entire time. Bonus points can be earned for every individual person you have call it.
A closet full of clothes with the tags still on them prove I play the “I need to buy this ridiculous article of clothing just in case” game far too often. If you own a long ball gown in case someone invites you to a black tie gala and a pair of khaki capri pants/top siders just in case someone asks you to sail on their yacht near any of the New England states, you are a viable competitor as well.
There is also the “I need to hang on to this because it may come back into style” game. We all started playing this upon walking into an Urban Outfitters and seeing our wardrobe from 1998 in its entirety. If Birkenstocks and those damn jelly shoes that made your feet smell like a locker room are back in style, nothing is off limits.
Who could forget about the “I’m not that drunk” game? The more often you say it, the better chance you have of winning. And by winning, I mean waking up in your bathtub covered in Mexican food.
How about the “One more episode” game? Why did you start Netflixing at 10 pm on a Tuesday, you dumbass? You might as well have smoked crack because the outcome will be the same. You are addicted and will probably be losing your job and ending up on the street in no time. There is a plus side to watching 200 episodes of Friends instead of doing drugs though…you get to keep your teeth.
Right now I am currently killing it at the “Oops I ate one M&M therefore my whole day is ruined so I might as well eat a large pizza and wash it down with a bottle of wine” game. I may not be in first place tomorrow morning, but you know what they say…it’s not whether you win or lose; it’s how you play the game.