There comes a day in the life of every social network when programmers realize they have enough information about you to gauge which friends are missing from your list. A couple of algorithms later, your dashboard starts to resemble a Night of the Living Dead scenario.
Despite stirring up the deeply rooted notion that I would never have as much fun as blonds do, I’ve always had a soft-spot for the dearly departed John Ritter. A valuable lesson I learned from him was to make some rules and make ‘em known, because you never know when you might suffer from aortic dissection mid-season, leaving the rest of your TV family in the care of your caraaaazzzzyyy nephew, whose only rule is “get laid by any means necessary.”
Everyone likes a present. However, there are only two things you should offer a crier. A tissue or a cigarette. If you choose to hand over a tissue, just hand it to them. Don’t ask them if they want it; they do. You should always give a crier, stranger or no, a tissue.
The unreliability of our connections turns private chat into a revolving door. “BRB, dad needs phone.” “Sorry, modem froze.” We hate 56K but we don’t know of anything better. To forget the screech of the modem struggling to reconnect, we play the soundtrack of America Online once we’ve safely returned to chat.
You’ll want to load up on booze while you’re there. A bottle of wine will run you $2.99 and you’ll need it by the time you leave.