Latest Posts

Some Questions I Have As An Ex-Smoker

I used to reassess my budget every time the price of cigarettes ballooned. “They’re $11 now? Okay… switching to one-ply toilet paper and ordering the $5 Miller High Life / Whiskey combo until my next paycheck comes. That oughta do it.”

The Pros And Cons Of Air Conditioning

Air Conditioning makes you a more viable candidate for sex. This could also be a con, if you’re the type of person who prides themselves on not being used for their material possessions, but you and I both know it’s secretly enthralling to have a leg up on your Ceiling Fan-owning counterparts.

True Life: I'm Boy Crazy

I am Boy Crazy. Yes, I’m a woman, and the men who I lust after have not been boys for a measurable amount of time. But there’s no better way to describe the girlish affectation that drives me. It’s not about sex. It’s not about titles and meeting my parents and day trips. It’s about stealing glances and fluttering stomachs.

ABC's: The Walk Of Shame

“Hey. You awake? I’m on the way home. UGHH. No, it was okay. I couldn’t find my headband, so that blows. Made it out of there with my favorite bra and a broken dry spell so I suppose I shouldn’t complain. What time does McNeely’s open? Think I left my scruples in the washroom.”

Going Commando

I wonder how much of the health-related information I’ve acquired over the years is completely made up. Eating an arsenal of snack foods past Midnight makes you fat. Drink eight glasses of water a day at minimum or you’re doomed. Fight against every human instinct you have, and you’ll be healthy. It’s all such bullshit. I think this ‘not wearing underwear’ thing has some legs though. I recall the phrase, “Let your vagina breathe.”

Notes On Dating A Freelance Writer

During the three years that I worked a ‘9-to-5’ (though, in reality, it was more of a ’10-to-whenever-the-fuck-I-say, you-need-this-money- so-I’m-going-to-take-advantage-of-you, need-you-to-come-in-Saturdays-too, sorry-sucker’), I dated a freelancer. A few of them, actually.

TGIF vs SNICK

While TGIF’s theme was designed to appeal to a broad demographic, SNICK’s pandered to kids. It was aspirational, and it made me have wet dreams about owning cable television and orange couches.

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