Above all, Tyrion likes to have a good time. It’s no wonder that his favorite musician is Andrew WK. They both always keep the party going, they like to get wet, and “She is Beautiful” is obviously about our girl Shae. I rest my case.
Because Joffrey has no respect for his elders, his taste is doomed to be both contemporary and predictable. It’s pretty clear to me that the young, uncultured Joffrey only has room for one musician on his musical pallet — his hair twin, Eminem. Specifically, early hate-my-wife Eminem. How else could Joffrey get totally pumped to publicly humiliate Sansa without rockin’ to a little “’97 Bonnie and Clyde” first?
All signs point to lady hip-hop for the mother of dragons. First, DAT ASS. Second, she rolls with a sick tight clique. She’s got that Nicki Minaj ‘tude with that Lil Kim freakiness. I have no doubt that she knows how many licks it takes. And really? It’s like “The Jump Off” was written for her. She was gone for a minute (or for however long she and Viserys stayed off the radar at that dude’s house) but now she’s back at the jump-off we all know and love: the game of thrones.
All-around reject Theon will never let go of the angst that comes with being a POW/ disappointment to your entire family. He’s into suburban teenager music — faux-metal like Papa Roach and screamo like The Used. Which makes sense, having been a servant and all.
Jon Snow would love it if we thought him asexual — after all, it’s his duty as a guard of the North and he’s already brought enough dishonor to his family by um… being born, but the sensitive Snow cannot fool me. This sexy v-card holder is definitely on that Robin Thicke, James Blake tip when he gets lonely. Maybe a little Frank Ocean, if he’s feeling aggressive.
Sam’s your regular good time guy. He’s definitely paid to see Third Eye Blind in concert. He knows all the words to “Tubthumping.” He found out about you via the Gin Blossoms. It’s been one week since you’ve looked at him. Mid-to-late ’90s pop-alt, all the way.
Khal Drogo pretty clearly listens to System of a Down. “Prison Song” gets him hyped up, “Spiders” cools him down, “Sugar” provides the perfect accompaniment as he’s murdering his right-hand men like a bath salt zombie. When he’s really enraged, he slips on a little Slipknot and lets Corey Taylor do the talking.
Even though Cersei gives off that “Cold Hard Bitch” by Jet vibe, music is where she escapes to after a long, hard day of bitchery. Her excellent posture and unimpressed demeanor lead me to believe she’s into the DIVAS. Not the new divas, either — we’re talking Whitney, Celine, Mariah (pre-divorce), Aretha. Between empowering her and validating her emotions (toward her brother), the Divas have Cersei’s back. R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
Brienne of Tarth
Big giant Brienne uses music to sort through her various identity issues. Who is she, without a king or queen to protect? Is there anyone in there, beneath the large, disarming veneer? Is she gay? She seeks the answers in Tracy Chapman and Annie Lennox lyrics. When things get really dark, she turns to Natalie Merchant.
Lord Eddard “Ned” Stark
Lord Stark doesn’t listen to music. He’s too busy being stoic.