There is nothing good about cheating — except for the music it inspires. (And, who are we kidding? The foreign genitals. And the validation. I’m merely speculating.) Here are a few songs that Make Cheatin’ Fun! In no particular order:
1. “Down Low (Nobody Has To Know)” by R. Kelly
Before R. Kelly became a certified flirt, he was catching feelings for his boss’ woman. This video must’ve been funded by anti-affair lobbyists — if it doesn’t deter you from cheating, NOTHING WILL.
2. “Jolene” by Dolly Parton
Oh, gurl. It’s not Jolene‘s fault that your man can’t keep it in his pants. It takes two, Dolly.
3. “Me and Mrs. Jones” by Billy Paul
Knowing that it’s wrong don’t make it right, Billy. Still, a very sexy groove to blast when you’re on your way to meet your side piece.
4. “The Boy Is Mine” by Brandy & Monica
Ladies! The boy is no one’s property. Also, you should be blaming the dude for the confusion, not each other. Wasn’t this song released in 1998, the Year of Girl Power? You bring much shame to your spicy compatriots.
5. “The Girl Is Mine” by Michael Jackson f/ Paul McCartney
“The Boy Is Mine” no doubt took its cues from this borderline hilarious duet. It’s the most Beta argument over a girl I’ve ever heard. “You keep dreamin’ Paul…” Come on Michael, I know you can be more aggressive than that! Speaking of…
6. “Dirty Diana” by Michael Jackson
OK, Jack-O. First you knocked up Billie Jean, then you dated Paul’s girl, and now you’re blaming your cheating ways on a groupie? Questionable.
7. “Part-Time Lover” by Stevie Wonder
Does Stevie Wonder not make having an affair sound like the most fun ever? I’m seriously considering finding a boyfriend just so I can call up Stevie and be like, “Hey girl hey.” Or let it ring once, hang up the phone — whatever he wants.
8. “Creep” by TLC
“Creep” is the eye-for-an-eye anthem for scorned women. You do you, T-Boz.
9. “In My Bed (So So Def Remix)” by Dru Hill f/ Jermaine Dupri & Da Brat
Had to go with the remix on this one — if Sisqo is as boring as the original, I can understand why he got cheated on.
10. “Cry Me A River” by Justin Timberlake
Otherwise known as the song that marked the beginning of Britney Spear’s descent into madness. Ya done fucked up, Brit.
11. “Heard It Through The Grapevine” by Marvin Gaye
Probably one of the worst ways to hear you’re getting dogged out is through the grapevine; I hear the reception is like… five times spottier than AT&T. If you’re LUCKY.
12. “If Your Girl Only Knew” by Aaliyah
Aaliyah’s life was tragically cut short, but make no mistake — she was a bad b before she left us. Between a way-illegal marriage to R. Kelly and this track, she definitely got it in with what little time she had.
13. “Before He Cheats” by Carrie Underwood
I’m not clear on destroying people’s property. You go girl? Sweet vocals?
14. “It Wasn’t Me” by Shaggy f/ RikRok
I guess this is just an insane coincidence, Shaggy. Carry on.
15. “Escape (The Piña Colada Song)” by Rupert Holmes
Love this song. So… Gift of the Magi. Silly couple, go talk about your problems over a surgery cocktail ‘steada writing in to the local paper. Buncha goofballs.
What’s your favorite song about cheating?