10 Characters From Dexter And Whether Or Not You Should Marry Them

***Spoiler Alert***

Debra Morgan

Showtime

Deb is already married to her job, but makes room in her icy little heart for the right man on occasion — although the men she dates typically end up dead so… there’s that. She’s a bit too foul-mouthed to bring home to your mother, and she has no idea what’s appropriate when there are kids around, and then there’s the whole “I’m in love with my adopted brother” thing, but there are some plus sides to marrying Deb. Like… she’s hot? And she can shoot a gun? Oh, and she loves beer and steak! So yeah, not too shabby.

Marriage Material Rating: 5/10

Angel Batista

Showtime

As a two-time divorcee, Angel doesn’t necessarily have a great track record. But! That aside, Angel would make a pretty good husband. He never forgets an anniversary, and he has no trouble being the submissive in the relationship. On the flip side, he’s a bit of a Jealous Joseph. And he can be an angry drunk (not towards you though, mi amor!) He’s made some mistakes, but I honestly think he deserves a chance at happiness. He will go above and beyond the call of duty for the carita he loves. He’ll also buy her really terrible jewelry. (But he means well.)

Marriage Material Rating: 7/10

Nadia

Showtime

New to us straight from the strip club is Nadia, Quinn’s flavor of the week. It’s hard to discern where Nadia’s loyalties lie. I want to believe that she’s a good egg, but you are the company you keep. And when the company you keep is like, murdering people, well… we’ll just keep you at arm’s length for now, Nadia. Nothing personal.

Marriage Material Rating: 1/10

Vincent Masuka

Showtime

What can I say? Masuka comes off like a total effing pervert, but I have the suspicion he’d tone it down if one woman — just one special woman — gave him some attention. Attention that he doesn’t have to pay for, I mean. Maybe I’m giving him too much credit, but in Vince’s more serious moments, he seems like a sensitive, decent guy. He’d probably bang like a jackrabbit, though. Just a guess.

Marriage Material Rating: 6/10

Maria LaGuerta

Showtime

At first glance, Maria would make for a great wife. She’s got a terrific job and an even better ass (if I do say so myself). But if LaGuerta’s marriage to Batista is any indication, no. No, no, no. LaGuerta will always put herself and her hustle first. She’s sneaky and power hungry and she’ll leave you behind if it means getting ahead at work.

Marriage Material Rating: 2/10

Joey Quinn

Showtime

Thanks to his failed relationship with Deb, Quinn is damaged goods. He hooks up with strippers, drinks like a Hemingway, and seems to be perpetually on the verge of losing his job. However, he’s proved to us all that he’s marriage-minded, and he seems to have hit rock bottom already. There’s nowhere to go but up! If Quinn can get his act together once and for all, he might just stand a fighting chance.

Marriage Material Rating: 5/10

Jamie Batista

Showtime

This is pretty much a no-brainer. I mean, her brother’s kinda protective over her, but he’s cool so long as you don’t drunkenly grope her. Aside from the brother, there are pretty much no downsides to marrying Jamie. She’s beautiful, she knows how to take care of babies, and her ex-boyfriend is dead now so no worries about him trying to win her back! This one’s a keeper.

Marriage Material Rating: 10/10

Harry Morgan

Showtime

He may be dead, but Harry Morgan is very much a part of the Dexter universe and pretty much responsible for creating our little monster. Harry’s very clearly a family man — and while his parenting skills are uh… questionable, there’s no doubt that his decisions have been based on protecting his family at any cost. Plus, he’s a total DILF.

Marriage Material Rating: 7/10

Hannah McKay

Showtime

Hannah’s a girl with a past, but she seems to pretty much have her act together now. In her case, being a ride or die bitch would’ve meant murdering people, so good on her. There are enough ride or die bitches in this world as it is. Hannah still has a dark side, but it’s more intriguing than it is frightening. Plus, she’s gorgeous and owns her own business. I bet she has some awesome crime spree stories, too.

Marriage Material Rating: 8/10

Dexter Morgan

Showtime

Ah, the man of the hour. A single dad of one (three?), Dexter has given the married life a try already — but it ended in something of a bloodbath. Not chic. Even though Dexter looks amazing in a thermal shirt, he was kind of a lousy husband. Gone til all hours of the night, lying, murdering people. As much as I love the guy, I can’t say he’s fit to be a husband. Then again, you can be sure that the code won’t allow him to kill you (unless you deserve it). So there’s that.

Marriage Material Rating: 3/10 TC mark

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    […] rated the characters of two of my favourite shows (the men of Game of Thrones and characters from Dexter) on the character’s marriage material. For fans – this is a must read (although slight […]

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