Quit Talking About How Hot You Are (And Other Tips For Making Friends)

Yesterday, British columnist Samantha Brick published an article photo essay decrying women for their childish reaction to her good looks. Mrs. Brick claims she’s been passed up for everything from promotions to bridesmaid nominations because the women in her life are intimidated and jealous of her appearance.

The argument that life is rough for a Pretty Girl isn’t a new one, but it is one we’re all pretty tired of entertaining. Why? Well, for one thing — life is rough for everyone. Everyone is judged by how they look, and sometimes the consequence of that judgment is not a free bottle of champagne or a gratis oil change. Sometimes the consequence of that judgment is alienation or violence; you know, like getting shot and killed steps away from your home? When someone complains about the bounty and attention they receive for being mildly attractive, my first instinct is to play the world’s saddest song on the world’s smallest violin, and then slap them with it.

But Mrs. Brick’s grievances extend beyond being asked if it hurt when she fell from heaven on the regular. What’s really grinding her gears is that all the womenfolk in her life are Grade A Certified Haters — how else might we explain the fact that she’s never been asked to be a bridesmaid in any one of her friends’ weddings?

This was an odd example Brick used to illustrate how womankind has betrayed her. I’m not married, but when I think of who I’d like by my side on that hypothetical day, I think of women I can count on to be a source of comfort and compassion as I prepare for one of the biggest financial and emotional commitments of my life. Women I trust and love, who are as beautiful outside as they are in — though, what they look like is not a consideration I’d make when asking them to be a member of my bridal party. If one of them happened to be Miss America and a goddamn fantastic friend, you can bet your ass I wouldn’t be worrying about whether or not she was going to inadvertently upstage me or steal my man on my “big day.” That would not be a concern of mine, and I’m doubtful it was the concern of any of Brick’s acquaintances.

The real issue is that people who are consumed by appearances operate under the assumption that so is everyone else and so, in their minds, any fault found with them is an artificial attack and not a complaint of substance. Naturally, the problem is that Brick is too attractive and inspires insecurity in friends and acquaintances alike. The problem is very clearly not that Brick is self-obsessed and severely lacking any self-awareness. There is absolutely no reason to dislike someone who maintains she is not smug or flirtatious in one breath but then hypocritically advocates flirting your way to the top in the next. Clearly no one dislikes Brick because she’s delusional and also the type of person who publishes an online manifesto immortalizing her former boss, neighbor, and FRIENDS as petty, jealous, less-thans who want to punish Mrs. Brick for being ~2 HoT 4 TV~. No, the problem is just that she’s too gosh darn pretty! Okay.

What’s upsetting about Brick is not how good she looks in a bikini. What’s upsetting is that she blames society — a society that is more than kind to attractive people — for her repellant personality. The truth is, most gorgeous people have the friends and career they deserve, and it’s because of how capable they are and because of how they treat people. Even if the hot person in question is a petulant, woebegone brat, they’re still afforded better opportunities than the overweight person or the “butch” person or the person who has a tumor eating away at their face. Pretty people are still given a very public platform to cry about how bad they have it, for example. What separates Brick and her tribe from well-adjusted attractive people is that they choose to play the victim rather than accept responsibility for their own shortcomings.

Like this one: Brick has a platform to talk about anything in the world, but instead continually pontificates on her appearance. On flirting to get what you want. On her husband dressing her. Even if she were the sweetest person on earth, this is not the stuff a likeable woman makes. Her obsession with the exterior is her contribution to the collective, worst of all published under the subhead “Femail” like this is something all women should be concerned with — that is, our good looks getting in the way of personal and professional success — when really, the only thing thwarting her from achieving more is her own ego.

What would make us all more desirable people is remembering that smart people don’t need to announce that they’re smart. Funny people do not need to announce that they’re funny. And attractive people? They’re attractive. They don’t need a sandwich board or a parade or an article on the internet to tell them so. Brick might have blonde hair and tight abs, but she has no modesty, humility, or grace — measures of beauty that can’t be found by taking a long, hard look in the mirror. Good luck with that. TC mark

thumbnail image via Ana Machado, photo via samanthabrick.com

More From Thought Catalog

  • Josh Gondelman

    I think you got it totally correct!

  • AnnieGirl

    spot on. 

    and for the record, she’s not that hot.

    • http://twitter.com/emilcDC Emil Caillaux

      It doesn’t bode well for the British people if she is considered “hot”.

  • Pinion

    God damn, the Daily Mail are genius. Internet genius, mind.

    • http://www.oneyearintexas.com Perfect Circles

      it’s all just a scam for clicks these days

      • http://www.oneyearintexas.com Perfect Circles

        that article was the group-on of internet journalism

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=727725625 Tanya Eunice

    She’s not even that pretty, I think everyone probably hates her personality more than her good looks. 

    • AnnieGirl

      seriously. that article had me scratching my head. 

    • http://www.facebook.com/grc15r Gregory Costa

      I’d give her the once over.  I’d look at her once, and then it’d be over.  Meh heh heh heh heh

  • BabyAl

    I’m confused, wasn’t that article Brick wrote a joke?

    • http://twitter.com/emilcDC Emil Caillaux

       There was no “THIS IS SATIRE” tag on it, so I will assume it was not.

  • Nishant

    “my first instinct is to play the world’s saddest song on the world’s smallest violin, and then slap them with it.”

    I was thinking slap with them it as I read ‘violin’ too!

  • http://twitter.com/Commander_Co0l Tony F.

    never thought a last name could match the look of a face, but….there ya go

  • Morgana

    That article about her husband dressing her.

    Fuck. That really creeped me out!

  • Anonymous

    I wonder how people would react to an article about, “How Being an Ugly People Sucks/Rules/”InsertQualityHere”‘

    Hmmmmmmmmmm.

  • Verbro

    Wait.. what? I’m sorry, I had to google image this person’s name twice to be sure it was the correct person because Samantha Brick isn’t attractive, at all.  Not pretty.

  • http://whoismau.tumblr.com/ Mauricio

    #GETITGURL

  • guest

    Both of those articles she wrote horrified me. But the comments under them were priceless.

  • http://twitter.com/MicaelaRose Micaela Hollins

    She is going to have a tough time socially for a VERY long time now…

  • http://dirtyyoungmen.wordpress.com/ Maxwell Chance

    I don’t know if I should feel horrible for her husband due to how shitty of a person she is or to be jealous because of her ridiculous good looks. 

    Oh by the way, she’s ugly. 

  • Tiny Idiot

    Hypothesis 1: People hate you because you’re a terrible person.
    Hypothesis 2: People hate you because ALL OF THEM are terrible people who are just jealous of your perfection.

    Let’s vote on which one is more likely!

  • http://twitter.com/dianasof Diana

    “I’d put friendships on the backburner
    while in pursuit of the man or woman with the bigger, better job
    prospects. Friends, for a while, did stop calling. When you step over
    that line you move away from the sisterhood and your peers.” from one of her other articles. Maybe that’s why your friends hate you, darling. It’s not because they’re jealous.

  • Sean

    This article is much better than any issue surrounding Samantha Brick and deserves to be promoted on it’s standalone value. You put the words to a major issue that I’ve struggled to find the words to myself: the notion that the world isn’t fair because we’re born differently and that entitles some of us to pull out the violins to excuse some of the most debased and ugly behaviour going today. That somehow people who are considered attractive, take care of themselves and enjoy some sort of measure of success got there by conspiracy or unfair means. The fact is anyone can help their odds greatly by simply working hard to get to where they want to be. And that doesn’t have to be at the top or bottom of anything. If you’re happy with yourself it shows beyond words.

  • Guest

     from her article: “Throughout my adult life, I’ve regularly
    had bottles of bubbly or wine sent to my restaurant table by men I
    don’t know. Once, a well-dressed chap bought my train ticket when I was
    standing behind him in the queue, while there was another occasion when a
    charming gentleman paid my fare as I stepped out of a cab in Paris.”WHAT?? i highly doubt this…

  • Caroline T

    Eloquent, spot on. Thank you for writing this.

  • GOB

    Her? Is she funny or something?

  • Anonymous

    My thoughts on this subject are varied.  Personally, I agree with the woman – pretty girls generally have fewer friends than less attractive girls (at least from what I’ve witnessed).  However, being pretty does get you far in life – you can be significantly less qualified for a job but because you have the looks (this goes for females and males), you get the job.  Idk, i just find it particularly annoying in this case because this woman is ugly.  Like she’s not even remotely pretty (I guess by UK standards she is).  This whole thing is kinda bizarre.

    • Anonymous

      Sorry, “by UK standards”? Hahahahaha. Ha.

  • guest

    I think that this goes against the point of this article (which is great, btw), …but….she’s pretty?

  • Guest

    lol wait that article must be a joke.  and y’all fell for it!  damn those brits and their wit.

    • http://twitter.com/kaimcn Kai

      That’s what you think until you read her blog. Or her fomer Mail post about how her husband will dumb her if she gets fat.

  • Laurenbg

    Well-written, loved this.

  • pretty is subjective

    I love how she’s going to get so much negative feedback for that article but she’ll probably just write it off as us hating on her for being too beautiful. Oh to have problems like a deluded sense of self confidence…

    • annie

      lol that is exactly what happened

blog comments powered by Disqus