Thought Catalog

Portrait Of The One Who Got Away

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His story starts like this: your hair was salty after spending hours wrapped in the balm of a dark bar on a night you occasionally danced but mostly thought about how you needed a shower, mostly wished your drink would stay in its glass and away from your pre-steamed skin. You were salty and he was interested — idly so, interested as though you were the weather on a day he planned to drive to the beach, interested like you were a book written by an author he used to adore but now, not so much — a sort of tenuous interest that could tip in either direction at any moment and once you knew that, it was the beginning of the end. The beginning of the end began the night you met; this is just how it works.

He is a traveler or a writer or an athlete, someone quick and practiced at running away. His escape routes were mapped before you were ever an obstacle, intricate paths of I’m just not wired that way or You don’t deserve this and friends will see his evacuation plan like it’s tattooed on his forehead and urge you to run, too — to run swiftly and in the other direction — but instead of sending you on your way his red flags serve to ignite you. You are not colorblind to your matador’s enticements; you are no bull.

And so it begins, this chase for acknowledgement that starts on a Saturday night at a blues concert and ends in his bed, ends with you wide-eyed at 3 AM thinking, “Why doesn’t he see it, yet?” as he snores next to you in the blackened room. He will indulge your whims but not your concrete desires, not the one where you’d like him to hold your hand in public, not the one where he speaks about his sister like you might meet her one day, not the one where this entanglement ends in a living, breathing relationship — he certainly won’t indulge that one.

Because as your bad luck would have it, The One Who Gets Away is never The One Who Sends Flowers To Your Office or The One Who Introduces You To His Family or The One Who Remembers Your Birthday. There was one time, one morning when you rolled over and his eyes met yours and you said, “I’m sick,” and as if by divine intervention, as if he were an actor who had picked up the wrong script, he actually seemed to care — actually said, “Should I get you some Ginger Ale?” and that, the shock of it all, was almost enough to heal your infirmities right then and there. He doted on you, you recovered, you accidentally thought — just for those few hours — that The One Who Got Away was actually The One; you believed that he could finally see it, see what you see, that things were going to turn around for you both.

But he didn’t and they didn’t, he was sure to disappear before that could happen. Turns out he wasn’t The One at all, just The One capable of leaving, The One with nothing at stake, The One Who Got Away.

Your friends have another idea. When they talk about Their Ones Who Got Away, they mention the stand-up ex-boyfriend who joined the Peace Corps, they speak of the mistreated man who went on to prove just how worthy of affection he’d been all along, they name flaws in judgment and timing and take blame for extinguishing what could have been. And as this happens, as you nod along and console them, you think to yourself that maybe you’ve had it all wrong — maybe you’re The One Who Got Away, not him. You are the something to be the missed, the one who wins in the end. So you relax your face and give yourself this one small victory and even begin to feel pity for this unfeeling man, this lonely person, the former One Who Got Away, when you realize it’s you — not him — who’s stuck in place. TC mark

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    • Bee

      TEACH ME HOW FEEL STEPHANIE G

    • mandy

      fail

      • Margaret Thatcher

        If that’s the most meaningful critique you can provide, maybe you ought to stick to looking at LOLcats.

    • Drjennybennett

      Not a fail at all.  The last paragraph is genius. Thank you!

    • guest

      love it!

    • Isabel

      STEPHANIE YOU DID IT ONCE AGAIN. LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS. 

    • madeline

      And I’m cured.

    • http://www.facebook.com/leianne.tan Leianne Tan

      beautiful writing. spot on description of a condition endemic to many charming men :)

    • Anonymous

      Oh god. This> “Because as your bad luck would have it, The One Who Gets Away is never
      The One Who Sends Flowers To Your Office or The One Who Introduces You
      To His Family or The One Who Remembers Your Birthday.” Why why why.

    • Claire

      This is the EXACT realization I had this morning.

    • http://twitter.com/PatrishCee Patricia Capiral

      I thought this was heading for the beautiful yet clichéd sob story but you pulled a fast one on me.
      How have I not thought of this before? This is such a liberating realization. Thank you :)

    • Anonymous

      “You are the one to be missed, the one who wins in the end.”

      Yes. Thank you. Don’t stop realizing these things, so that the rest of us can realize them too.

    • na3

      Really needed to read this. Thank you.

    • http://www.facebook.com/jessi.smith1 Jessi Smith

      I often find myself overcome with the urge to start slow clapping when I reach the end
      of a Stephanie Georgopulos post.

    • The Tonesetter

      Steph, my first reaction is to thank you for allowing me add an element to my game. The next is die a little. I wish I could be the one for you, I’ve read more of your articles than I’d admit in polite conversation, but it’s you – you’re the one, better the type, that has continually gotten away from me. I love/hate feeling what I feel when I read. Thank you.

    • http://twitter.com/yvonne1503 yvonne

      “He is a traveler or a writer or an athlete, someone quick and practiced at running away. ”
      So true :(

    • Livia

      The most perfect thing I could have read at this particular moment in my life. 

    • Anonymous

      beautiful. 

    • Angie

      brilliant. just what I needed. thank you.

    • Danielle

      beautiful. 

    • Xxx

      adore <3

    • Anonymous

      “His escape routes were mapped before you were ever an obstacle” .so good.

    • hobowithoboe

      I’ve always hoped I am/will be someone’s “one who got away”

    • http://twitter.com/JustGeeee Geleen Faye Gallego

      when you love the person, being the left one makes sense.. or it doesn’t at all?

    • thatkindofgirl

      beautifully and creatively written. kudos!

    • Ripp

      God. I’m obsessed with Thought Catalog. It’s perfect. This is perfect. And you are perfect. 

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