Paige Michalchuk — You’ve been prescribed what people would deem “fun” pills but refuse to share them with friends because you “actually need them.”
Manny Santos — As a teen you weren’t allowed to have a boyfriend, but owned thongs that would set off an airport metal detector.
Peter Stone — You date emotional fixer-uppers.
Emma Nelson — You make people uncomfortable at restaurants.
Jay Hogart — You don’t have a favorite book.
Ellie Nash — You believe moving to New York City will fix everything.
Spinner Mason — You’ve spent actual money on Alien Ant Farm paraphernalia.
Darcy Edwards — You really believe in “Catholic School Chic” and have owned several pleated skirts despite going to a public school.
Sean Cameron — You’ve drunkenly purchased Spaghettios (or similar Chef Boyardee products) in the past six months.
Hazel Aden — You are afraid of hand jobs.
Spike Nelson — You’re worried you may have cut your hair too short this time, every time.
Craig Manning — Your ability to attract the opposite sex despite being a total mess is really irritating for your emotionally stable friends.
Holly J. Sinclair — You used to wear white eyeliner.
Marco Del Rossi — You’re unsure of how to wear a vest but hope to someday pull it off.
Alex Nunez — You haven’t spoken to your parents in years.
Snake Simpson — There are too many forceful women in your life.
Liberty Van Zandt — As a child, you recorded audio of yourself giving fake interviews and award acceptance speeches; you still talk to yourself in the mirror occasionally.
J.T. Yorke — Your penis is abnormally large but you didn’t figure out what to do with it for a long, long time.
Mia Jones — You’d probably be screwed if you weren’t so good looking.
Joseph Jeremiah — You desperately wish high school never ended.
Toby Isaacs — You’ve read The Game and accidentally employ pick-up tactics when you’ve had too much to drink.
Ashley Kerwin — Your nail polish is perpetually chipped.
Jimmy Brooks — You have a lot going for you, but you’re impotent.