I'm Taking A Sad Day

Every day this week, I’ve smiled. I’ve picked up on the first ring, I’ve answered your lengthy emails, I’ve even laughed at your lousy (if not completely nonsensical) jokes but today, today is mine. I’m calling in sad. Taking a sad day.

Today, I’m going to beeline past all of you without saying hello, without removing my sunglasses, yes I’m aware it’s raining outside, ask me if it makes a difference. I won’t be slamming my office door. I want to, but the last thing I need is all of you gossiping about me in the company kitchen, like I don’t know what’s up. I’m more than aware of what we collectively think about door slammers. I don’t need that strike against me, not today. Fair warning: I may slam the phone down into the receiver after every phone call, if I manage to answer those. I’m only human. You understand.

You should probably avoid asking me any long-winded questions; anything that requires more than a one-word answer is probably too ambitious. Don’t ask me to paraphrase yesterday’s meeting, for example. Don’t ask me for my favorite lamb recipe. Don’t ask me who I’m rooting for on American Idol. It’s way too early in the season for that, idiot. What is wrong with you? Don’t ask me what is wrong with me. Don’t ask me why I’m sad. Those two are important; write those down.

You look like you still have questions. Let me help you out: I’m broke. I didn’t sleep last night. Everyone forgot my birthday. My best friend isn’t speaking to me. I’m not wearing any makeup. I just broke up with someone. The weather is bumming me out. I’m PMSing. I was out drinking until three hours ago. Someone died. I hate this job. I hate you. Pick three of those and abstain from asking me why I look like this.

Please don’t stand bashfully in my doorway and do that gentle side-knock that says, “Hey, you. You look sad, but I’m your work buddy and I just want you to know that I’m here for you in your time of need. Did you know I’m a great hugger? I’m a great hugger. The best, in fact. I hope you’re all right, I hate to see someone as miserable as you acting even more miserable than I previously knew to be possible. Also, I know this is a really, really bad time, but please don’t forget to sign my check before you leave. It’s Friday.” Just leave the goddamn check on my desk and GTFO.

I will order the worst of all the lunches. I will order the undercooked meatloaf with the hardened mashed potatoes; I will drink a milkshake, a spiked milkshake; I will eat some of your French fries without asking permission, especially if they’re smothered in gravy and mozzarella and bacon and barbecue sauce and all of that other completely unappetizing nonsense self-loathing people drown their French fries in, I will eat all of those hatred fries. With my hands. No green vegetables.

Today, I will listen to “The Funeral” on repeat. Loudly. I will play songs so depressing that you will become sad by proxy. You will weep in your cubicle and incite an argument with your boyfriend via IM, and though this war was a long time coming I’ll know I played the catalyst and momentarily, I’ll feel vindicated. Misery really does love company. Drinks after work? TC mark

image – Shutterstock

Related

More From Thought Catalog

  • http://twitter.com/scruzz Shawn

    :(

    • http://omgstephlol.tumblr.com Stephanie Georgopulos

      I’m ordering a burrito right this instant, everything will be fine

      • Anonymous

        seamless queen

      • http://twitter.com/scruzz Shawn

        make it two!

  • Asdf

    I agree. Sad days should be legit sick days! Sadness can be just as infectious as the worst cold/flu bug around and that does nothing to help productivity.

  • Sarah

    This isn’t a sad day. It’s a bad mood bitchy day. Not that that means you don’t deserve it.

  • http://twitter.com/tannnyaya Tanya Salyers

    I called off work two days this week for sadness (aka period cramps to my boss…I work for all men, so they never question it!)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=690741901 Kathy Ursua

    I take a nap whenever I feel this way, or eat some chocolates – I think you should try it too. I do agree, I hat being talked to or asked a lot of questions during these times. One word conversations are more appropriate.

  • Vilija

    I took the sad day too. Actually, I took the 2 past years. I think I run out of sick and sad days. Call in dead someone would say.. 
    Anyways, I just want to let you know, Stephanie, your articles are amazing! I mean it! I feel every word you say! Yesterday you made me cry with “The last time you ever”.. 
    Sending some rain from London. 

  • http://dirtyyoungmen.wordpress.com/ Maxwell Chance

    I feel like we could be friends in real life.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t “like” this, i just like it when people say that on the internet. 

  • kelli nastasi

    I’m taking a sad day, too.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_VYDVROKY4PUBOKUHB3QF42FH2Y Paul S

    No shit!  I don’t get sad much, bun when I am, I’m far more distracted and exponentially useless than when I’m sick.

  • http://twitter.com/Incilin Insanul Ahmed

    Whether or not I’m taking a sad day (and I take many), there’s no way I’m not gonna zip past the beeline without saying hello or take off my sunglasses. That’s just off the table. Also, is article is why you’re my favorite writer on here. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1418148722 Joseph Parreño

    I often get like this due to the lack of finding the right outfit. Then proceed to give everyone the f’you look. Burning it at the gym is my best solution.

  • beatrice

    Sad days are equivalents of ‘I’m stupid’ and ‘I feel fat’ days

    • marni

      false

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

    you have an office door??

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=707272007 Alex Thayer

    i hope you’re ok, steph

  • http://twitter.com/sweetsoleil Ash Wolfgang

    “The Funeral” is definitely my go-to sad song as well. As well as the entire Smashing Pumpkins album ‘Adore’

  • stresseatingforthewin

    hatred fries….and the dreaded thought of anything green.

    actually though.

  • http://bloggingforsanity.com Jaime

    I’m so glad someone understands about the necessity of the Sad Day.

  • CertifiedJatt

    sad days inspired me to get blackout curtains. nothing like walking around naked in your apartment with no light inside–literally, and metaphorically–in the middle of the day, bathing in self-loathing and pity, eating Wendy’s double burgers and throwing the wrappers at the tv screen.

  • RIPP

    Perfect timing. I’m currently taking a sad day and this is the only thing in the world that has actually made me laugh out loud. 

  • http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/for-the-euro-crisis-southern-europe-will-not-apologize/ For The Euro Crisis, Southern Europe Will Not Apologize | Thought Catalog

    […] a sense of analagous suffering and pleasure. People from Southern Europe seem to be prone to sadness, but a beautiful, almost pleasurable type of sadness, an inescapable longing for things that will […]

  • http://www.itmakesmestronger.com/2012/10/for-the-euro-crisis-southern-europe-will-not-apologize/ Only L<3Ve @ ItMakesMeStronger.com

    […] a sense of analagous suffering and pleasure. People from Southern Europe seem to be prone to sadness, but a beautiful, almost pleasurable type of sadness, an inescapable longing for things that will […]

  • http://ideasmithy.wordpress.com/2012/01/30/ideamarked-jan2012-daler-mehndi-meets-rajnipower-on-the-january-funnies/ Ideamarked Jan2012: Daler Mehndi Meets RajniPower On The January Funnies! | The Idea-smithy

    […] I want to print & laminate this and put it up at my desk on certain days: ‘I’m Taking A Sad Day‘ (via Thought Catalog) […]

blog comments powered by Disqus