An Open Letter To Hot Guys

Dear Hot Guys,

Hey. Heyyyyy. It’s nice to see you, and I mean that quite literally. You are very appealing to the eye. I guess I want to start off by saying, thanks for that! Keep up the great work.

But enough with the pleasantries. Hot guys, we’ve got a problem. See, some of you are great, which is what prompted me to write this letter. I’d like to voice my concern for you — the intelligent, the passionate, the interesting; those of you who handle uncomfortable situations like an upstanding person. (Kudos for that, don’t think it goes unnoticed by the women and men who find themselves in bed with you. We like it, we love it, we want some more of it.) You don’t use your exceptional looks as a crutch, and that’s the hottest thing ever!

Which is why it should alarm you, hot guys, that there are some fakin’ ass imposters out there sullying your good name. To the naked eye, it’s impossible to tell you apart — trust me (us?), we’ve tried. When they approach us at a bar, we want to believe it’s you — someone who is compassionate and honest and worth getting to know – because those are the qualities that separate hot guys from douche-nuggets with decent dimples.

Hot guys, you and I know that treating someone you’re dating like they’re disposable isn’t hot. Pretending to be sincere just to get laid isn’t hot. Expecting your friends to grovel at your feet because you attract more tail when you’re out together — not hot; and walking around like the world owes you something because someone invested money in your fake-ass, store-bought smile when you were a kid: Not. Hot. And yet, we’re constantly confusing the two of you: the hot, virtuous man and the reprehensible, dishonest dick-for-brains.

This is a problem. It’s a problem because soon enough, being attractive will be like wearing a big, painted sign that reads: Sleep with me if you’re in the mood to lose your faith in humanity. We’re going to grow wary of you, hot guys. Did you know that? Did you know we’re going to be skeptical of you almost immediately? You’re kind of at a disadvantage, here. Those who have been burned by your doppelgangers will be reluctant to believe a word that passes through your (admittedly attractive) lips, no matter how earnest. An average-looking asshole is more likely to win our trust than you are, hot and humble man, simply because your contemporaries have given you a bad rap. I don’t condone it — perpetuating the hot guy stereotype — but the stigma exists. Let’s work to erase it.

It’s time to take a stand. Take back the title you’ve so rightfully earned. The next time your asshole friend disrespects a woman, don’t high-five him for it (this makes you a douche-by-association, which… you guessed it! Not hot.) Tell him to quit being a prick and remind him that he won’t be pretty forever. Remind him that working out and empty sex won’t fix his obnoxious personality. Remind him that even though people might find him attractive or charming for a fleeting moment, no one will ever respect him. Including you. Then find a deserving lady and show him how to treat one.

Godspeed. TC mark

image – Shutterstock

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  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=14835243 Clarence Johnson

    Eyes up here honey, they’re dimples, not a car accident; you are capable of looking away.

    • Alice Turner

      That is ALL I’m saying.

  • Anonymous

    *performs an effortless pull-up*

    • Anonymous

      No, but really, I’ll bring this up at the next Hot Guys Meeting.

      • Anonymous

        If you’re thinking “there’s no such thing as a Hot Guys Meeting,” take a moment and decide whether or not you know that for -sure-.

      • Anonymous

        speaking of which, we should get drinks soon ;)

      • Joshgondelman

        Have fun being hot, guys. I’ll be over here picking up the pieces!

  • ehh..

    all guys.

    • Asdf

      all people.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=612928768 Samie Rose

    This should probably just be called An Open Letter to Ryan Gosling.

  • http://www.facebook.com/grc15r Gregory Costa

    I feel guilty reading this letter, even if it is an open letter.  It wasn’t addressed to me, but I read it anyway.  I’m sorry.
      I’ll wait patiently for the letter addressed to the  mediocre-looking to slightly- below-average-looking guy. 

    • Guest

      I think she’s looking for someone who’s beautiful on the inside.

      • http://www.facebook.com/grc15r Gregory Costa

        I am beautiful, no matter what they say.  Words can’t bring me down. 

      • Edeson

        “The abs are the window to the soul”

        – Proverbs 69:69

  • Xaka León

    Hilarious, but…I thought we moved past assuming people are nice just because they are cute when we were six years old?  This type of letter might be better suited for the ugly guys.  Because being an *ugly* douchebag is never going to work for anyone other than…crackheads.  Maybe.  And, yet there are so many of them.  They need the attention.  Call them out.

    Signed,
    A Grown Woman

  • Gorjessica

    LOVE THIS

  • http://twitter.com/eglectic Egle Makaraite

    Amen.

  • katej

    Awesome.

  • http://twitter.com/iamsubmerged Jordana Bevan

    douche nuggets. not as sound as fucknugget, but damn

  • http://twitter.com/RebekahMeinecke Rebekah Meinecke

    I love this and it’s true.

  • http://twitter.com/SoosSahar Sahar Soos

    lol <3 <3 

  • MD

    Ugh, already given up on hot guys!

  • http://www.facebook.com/ubeda Joant Ubeda

    Noted.

  • Anonymous Bastard

    Boo hoo

  • Bubbasmith

    U reap what u sew!

  • Alice Turner

    Wait, I’m sorry… I think I missed something, or something didn’t connect.  I am a woman in a very good relationship with an absolutely wonderful man who is fantastically hot and who also wouldn’t think twice about high-fiving a dude if he was a belligerent asshole to a chick.  I respect this article and the general message it’s trying to give, but the fact of the matter is, there is no distinction between the guy who is a blatant asshole and the guy who lets the asshole be and asshole.  They’re equally useless. 

    The true men to look for are the ones who are smart enough and secure enough to, like I’ve said, not think twice about letting that bullshit go… or even necessarily associating with someone like that.  Now I’m aware that as 20-somethings – male or female – we all have a certain, underlying level of insecurity that makes us flock together, regardless of personal morals or distinct personality traits — and also that it can be hard to confront a friend about anything at all.  It’s still not an excuse.  That may be harsh, but I feel like there are hot men out there who would never be an asshole, who would never have friends who would do such a thing and would even stand up to a complete stranger for being such a way.  This is why I would suggest turning the spotlight around to us women…

    Ladies — there are assholes out there, there are nice guys out there.  There are ugly and hot assholes, there are ugly and truly hot nice guys.  It’s NOT hard to make the distinction for yourselves.  The true key to having success is to listen to your common sense and to the smallest of red flags that go up in any interaction with any guy AND to not dismiss those red flags as insecurities or irrational fears of your own.  It’s a little bit insulting to general female intelligence to just assume that the “asshole hot guys” are far enough out of our intellectual realm to be able to completely ensnare us into some blind infatuation.  In fact, I’d say most women have the capacity somewhere inside of them to see through all of the different kinds of bullshit that exist out there.

    So, I suppose this is the long way of saying I do really appreciate this article because this is a somewhat legitimate issue that women have.  However, I refuse to believe that we do not have the mental capacity to distinguish the so-called “dopplegangers” from the guys that are the real deal.  Therefore, the only problem with this is that it’s wrong to say that the guys should take care of this because we are helpless for ourselves.  Girls, it’s simple.  Use your brains.

    • ..

      but I bet he’s not conventionally hot…

      • Little Swanson

        i don’t think that’s the point at all

    • Anonymous

      I’m not with you, Alice. Especially this part:
      “It’s a little bit insulting to general female intelligence to just
      assume that the “asshole hot guys” are far enough out of our
      intellectual realm to be able to completely ensnare us into some blind
      infatuation.  In fact, I’d say most women have the capacity somewhere
      inside of them to see through all of the different kinds of bullshit
      that exist out there.”

      Stephanie was not by any means insinuating that the “‘hot asshole guys’ are far enough out of our intellectual realm to be able to ensnare us into infatuation.” I don’t know when was the last time you were infatuated, but it usually doesn’t involve much intellectual processing  — doesn’t matter if you’re a man or a woman, infatuation is about attraction and projecting ideals onto reality. That’s something that everyone does, and it easier when you’re actively being misled. You can end up totally infatuated with someone and not see the red flags until they fully reveal their true assholedom.

      I’m with Stephanie: “Pretending to be sincere just to get laid isn’t hot.”
      Regardless of how attractive a person is, if that person pretends to be sincere and is very good at pretending, you’re not going to know they’re an asshole until they choose to show you another side of them. This applies outside of relationships and sex, too: people only know what you show them. Good manipulation isn’t obvious.

      Your interpretation of this article as being a “legitimate issue that women have” is totally off the mark. This is about the issue that assholes create for nice guys. I find it insulting, and frankly pretty condescending, that you just outright dismiss men’s role in all of this. She never said we are helpless. She just wants men to be more proactive. I agree.

      Yes, most women most definitely have the capacity to see through all kinds of bullshit, but most men also have the capacity not to create it.

    • becci

      There are times when I wish people would keep their comments to themselves. *hint* *hint*

  • Soyoung Lim

    Is there any way we can publish this in every newspaper, journal, facebook status and tweet in the world?

    …You know, just to make sure the message gets through…

  • ..

    It really bothers me when “hot” guys lie and try to be players.  Fortunately I think I’ve only been involved with one of these turd-nuggets, but it still boggles me,  what is the point of lying about your intentions? If you tell someone you want to be single you can still easily find another girl to have sex with..that also wants that too…

  • qwert13

    I think the reason why some hot guys behave like jerks is because some women just can’t get past the looks and end up throwing themselves at him. Hot guys just have to pretend like they care and do a few nice things, and women will be all over him. In this day and age, we instinctively judge a book by its cover. It’s not something that’s going to change anytime soon.

  • http://twitter.com/S_amplified Samantha Amplified

    I’m dating the most gorgeous guy but he’s really humble, even when other girls trip over their feet around him. 

  • JuanPancake

    somewhere there’s an alternate universe where my double lay unconscious with his head on the keyboard, sustaining a scissor wound

  • http://setoshino.wordpress.com Setoshino

    Reblogged this on The World Without Us.

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