Nothing makes me feel alone like watching two people vow their undying love to one another in front of a modest-to-televised audience. I mean… I’ve dated guys who recoil at the thought of holding my hand in public, never mind unapologetically loving me in front of our family and friends. I’ve never been a wedding-obsessed woman; I’ve never watched Say Yes to the Dress and I don’t know what a Princess cut is. But I find weddings (when I’m in attendance) to be equal parts beautiful, hopeful, and heart-wrenching. They remind me that I have no idea what it’s like to experience whatever’s happening in front of me. And I want to, I think! It’s like one minute, I’m all, “Me? Relationship? Who has the time, amirite?” and the next I’m earnestly reaching out to catch a bouquet – I caught myself once, mid-arm extension, eyes chasing flowers through the sky and was just like, Christ, who the hell am I?
Watching a Couple Fight
Fighting couples are the worst, but they’re also the best. They’re the best because they remind me of how peaceful my singular existence actually is. I get into arguments here and there, but it’s nothing like a bloody, let’s-ruin-everyone’s-night, crying-in-public affair, the way couple fights can be. With extreme highs (regular sex, abandoning of the singles’ scene, love) comes extreme lows (hiccup-crying, silent treatment, despair). Fighting couples are like obnoxious babies – every time I see one, I think, “Do not want.”
There’s this weird “must have a Christmas boyfriend/ girlfriend” mentality that I can’t get behind – spending the holidays with someone you love is great, but isn’t spending time with them great, any time? Because you love them? I don’t know. I think single people have different reasons for becoming hyperaware of their status come Christmas – mine being that everyone in my goddamn family is coupled up and I’m like, the drunk outcast who gets a free pass on talking over everyone because, d’aww, STEPH STILL ISN’T DATING ANYONE. On the flipside, buying gifts is stressful on the wallet and the mind. I don’t mind skipping that part.
When Misfortune Strikes
Misfortune reminds you that life is short. When I got robbed, kind of the first thing I thought was, “I’m alone. Not only that, but I feel alone.” Because most of the time, having friends and family is enough. But when something frightening or disorienting occurs, it causes you to reevaluate the path your life is on and wouldn’t it be nice to have someone to weather these disasters with? To not feel alone when you’re scared? The answer is yeah, most likely.
On a First Date
A relationship is like a really great novel – there are twists and turns and secrets and hidden meanings. You want to circle, underline, leave notes in the margins; you want to flip through its pages and take it to bed and putting it down will feel impossible. A first date, though, is like Cliff Notes. Convenient and hasty and lacking the depth we’ve come to relish. No contest there, really.