Thought Catalog

Life Lessons From The TV Show LOST

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Crazy + Hot = Forever Boneable. This foolproof equation has played out on many a college campus and continues to maintain a presence in adult relationships far longer than what is acceptable. If you’re insane and even marginally good looking, not only will someone want to sleep with you – everyone will want to sleep with you. The crazier you are, the better – don’t let potential marginalization or laws slow you down. If you’re uncertain of how to amplify your insanity, start by restraining your stepfather in his bedroom and proceed to set his house on fire, burning him alive. Murder is the ultimate aphrodisiac.

The person whose nose bleeds while traveling back and forth through time is the weakest link.

Coming into millions of dollars without lifting a finger is the single worst thing that could happen to a person. It is unfathomable how one can pick up the pieces after such an injustice has been done unto them, what with having all of that money at their disposable and all. Mo money, mo problems.

The secret to having great hair is getting stranded on a remote island.

Bad or absent fathers cause their sons to gas entire villages, fall prey to alcoholism, become confined to a wheelchair, con women out of their life savings, become convinced that they have paranormal talents, steal children for scientific experimentation, and donate kidneys to almost-strangers.

Not everyone can be made attractive simply by having an accent. Sorry, Charlie.

If ever you get into a plane crash that steals away 108 days of your life, you won’t become wary of flying. Hell – you won’t even switch airlines! The airline responsible for almost killing you will fly you for the rest of your life – gratis. That’s right: they will fly you to the death. Lucky dog!

Katy Segal is not White Trash.

The stepbrother/stepsister sex-fest is REAL. I once poked fun at the interfamily hookup in Clueless, but Shannon and Boone’s sexually ambiguous past made me reconsider mocking these sister-brother relationships. Hooking up with your stepsibling is a thing (especially when both of you are incredibly good looking – for more evidence of this, refer to Cruel Intentions).  (Other things: Your mom dating your boyfriend’s dad, your teacher dating your divorced parent, falling for your best friend, dressing room montages.)

Surgeons are sometimes wasted while performing surgeries.

A lot can happen in three months. One day, you’re in an airport with the coffin of your deceased father in tow, and the next, you’re hunting wild boar. You could be doing heroin in an airplane bathroom one minute, and drowning in a flooded submarine moments later. Life is unpredictable that way.

Spending our days typing on a keyboard is either futile, or the key to staying alive.

You can spend an indeterminate amount of time (six seasons) dwelling on unanswered questions, believing that your life (or a television show) will culminate with all the loose ends tied, only to find yourself at the end of an era and more LOST than ever. TC mark

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    • http://twitter.com/redfoster Zachary Brown

      I hate to be that guy, but it was actually doing heroin on a plane, not cocaine. Who cares though, right? They’re all in heaven or whatever now!

      • palmar

        I was about the say the exact same thing!

      • http://twitter.com/keehillman Keeley Hillman

        I was about to post the same thing

      • http://omgstephlol.tumblr.com Stephanie Georgopulos

        I ALWAYS GET MY WHITE POWDERS MIXED UP.

        Will fix, ty.

      • http://omgstephlol.tumblr.com Stephanie Georgopulos

        I ALWAYS GET MY WHITE POWDERS MIXED UP.

        Will fix, ty.

    • Katgeorge

      Love you Steph, this is funny as hell. 

    • http://twitter.com/nanabuuui Anna B

      I was expecting more from this article. Disappointed.

    • guest

      last paragraph = truth.
      not sure who crazy + hot is supposed to refer to, i haven’t watched lost in forever.

    • cp

      There are a lot of life lessons you can learn just by watching “Lost”. And it is unfortunate that this article only captures the insignificant facts of life. I have watched quite a few parodies of “Lost” but this just doesn’t hit the funny bone.

      • http://twitter.com/nanabuuui Anna B

        too true. there’s so much that goes into the plot and character development. 

    • guest

      why r u hating on charlie, he IS hot and a great actor. dont be jealous of his success and fame.
      and besides the accent, lets not forget musician as well on the show., equates to more hotness.

    • guest

      why r u hating on charlie, he IS hot and a great actor. dont be jealous of his success and fame.
      and besides the accent, lets not forget musician as well on the show., equates to more hotness.

    • Mary

      CHARLIE is the second hottest guy on that show! 

    • jerry kelso

      in a parallel universe (during the time travelling bit), Hurley won the lottery, but it was the greatest thing that ever happened to him and he was super happy.

      Charlie is, like, super hot.

      If I got in a plane crash, then discovered it was because of a magical electromagnetic pulse that only happens in one location in the world, and also knew the statistics regarding plane crashes (they’re not common), I would both expect and be super stoked to get free flights for life.
      I’d need some PTSD therapy first, but then after that, awesome!!

    • http://thetangential.com Becky Lang

      lost fuckin blows, but this article seems to acknowledge that. 

      also: when you get stuck on an enchanted, evil island, there will still be an endless supply of Old Navy layerable tank tops and cargo pants, plenty of peanut-filled food, a few cigarettes and enough alcohol so that you don’t have to freak out. but NO heroin. not until that mysterious plane shows up to tempt your true willpower!

    • federico

      charlie is hot .  when charlie died i died

    • Vicky

      i love Lost. i kind of gave up sleep during the summer to watch it.
      i’d bang the shit out of Jack Shepard.

      “the secret to having great hair is getting stranded on a remote island.”
      seriously,  Kate’s hair was like the best.

    • Stephanie

      Hells yes Kates hair was the bomb. So jealous, I step out in the New York heat for 2 seconds and my hair looks like shit, not fair. Sawyer was the subject of many sex dreams.

    • https://twitter.com/#!/VirtualKarim Karim Kazemi

      Are yall serious? Juliet had better hair than Kate.

    • dip

      Good way to rewatch LOST: Assume that Kate’s character has some form of severe mental retardation and everyone is tip-toeing around saying anything about it. 

      You’re welcome.

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