Thought Catalog

ABC's: The Walk Of Shame

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W is for Worried

Please don’t wake up. I’m just trying to find my pants and my cell phone, both of which should be easily discernible. Clean your room sometime, asshole.

A is for Acknowledged

“Ohhh… hey babe! Good morning! Yep, gotta go. I have (cough) yoga, at the park. (Cough)… every Saturday it’s my thing? Anyway! Thanks for… all of it. Everything. You’re a great host okay bye!”

L is for Lies

Heh. Yoga. That’s rich.

K is for …Kall Me?

Kall me with a K? What did I drink last night?

_____

O is for Out Of Here

It’s a beautiful day for a Walk Of Shame! Just need to find my point of reference. I live for disorienting moments like these.

F is for Fuck

Fuck do I need coffee, a cigarette, an order of Steak and Eggs, and a Bloody Mary. Preferably all together in a blender as to alleviate any effort on my behalf.

_____

S is for Sunglasses

For when Visine and three hours of sleep just won’t cut it. Sunglasses, you complete me. How would I mask the wistful glint in my eye without you?

H is for Hangover

I can see my future flashing before my eyes, and it involves Mexican food and a Law & Order: SVU marathon.

A is for Ashamed

I shouldn’t have done that, probably. I’m going to regret this all day… the remorse could very well haunt me into next week.

M is for Mobile Phone

“Hey. You awake? I’m on the way home. UGHH. No, it was okay. I couldn’t find my headband, so that fucking blows. Made it out of there with my favorite bra and a broken dry spell so I suppose I shouldn’t complain. What time does McNeely’s open? Think I left my scruples in the washroom.”

E is for Espresso

Americano on ice with two sugars and a side of your sympathy, please. To go. TC mark

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    • brenana

      Loved this.

    • martin

      if this is true then shame on you!! SHAME!!!

      • http://stephgeorge.tumblr.com Stephanie Georgopulos

        I wish it were true. 

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

      E is for Every night. 

    • Jordan

      W is for Won’t Wake (Or Appear To)

      I wake up way earlier than usual (of course), and I instantly realize there’s a foreign body in my bed.  Maybe if I stay quiet and still enough, keeping my eyes closed, only shifting position when my arm starts to hurt, she’ll get her pants and phone and leave and we can all go about our day without making this too awkward.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=707272007 Alex Thayer

      w is for wonton soup

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=707272007 Alex Thayer

      a is for asparagus – rich in antioxidants

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=707272007 Alex Thayer

      a is for alcohol abuse – cause daddy used to hit me

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=707272007 Alex Thayer

      h is for holes – the novel

    • Anonymous

      I like the picture for this article.

      • http://stephgeorge.tumblr.com Stephanie Georgopulos

        Thanks, that is me, seemed like I looked a bit guilty in it.

    • Appalled of Des Moines

      Skank.

      • Amanda Mae

        saint!

    • Waicool

      fun essay, what’s with the shame though, somebody got a conscience?

    • Bridget

      Complete crap.

    • FML

      k is for … the guy’s name! fml!!! now replay of this morning! headache of epic proportions and having to awkwardly call him to get my blanket D:

    • Tanya

      AMAZING. 

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