The Pros And Cons Of Air Conditioning

Pro. Air Conditioning means never sleeping with the window open. The hum of recycled air drowns out the sound of (a) monster trucks that appear to have found inspiration in the sound effects of Jurassic Park (b) phantom noises that are akin to that of the menacing furnace in Home Alone (c) drunken passersby who, for reasons unknown, congregate outside of your open bedroom window to have intense, life altering conversations, why would they stand anywhere else, the plot of land outside of your house is perfect for drunken rambling, crying, and screaming on the phone with friends who have apparently gone deaf and require each sloppily strung together sentence to be repeated ad nauseaum.

Con. In extreme cases, excessive reliance on Air Conditioning turns you into a pussy. Any activity that requires your participation that does not include Air Conditioning is one that you will bitch and complain about, because you’ve ‘conditioned’ yourself to believe that it should be 60 degrees at all times, even when it’s the middle of summer and it is an absolutely unreasonable expectation to be had. ‘There’s little to no AC here? …Ugh…’ Get over it, Princess and the Pea bitch ass.

Pro. Air Conditioning makes you a more viable candidate for sex. This could also be a con, if you’re the type of person who prides themselves on not being used for their material possessions, but you and I both know it’s secretly enthralling to have a leg up on your Ceiling Fan-owning counterparts. During the summer, Air Conditioning replaces Washer/Dryer as sexiest amenity.

Con. Your Con Ed bill is bound to increase during the summer months in order to accommodate for (a) the insane amount of energy that Air Conditioning requires and (b) the insane amount of time you justify keeping your box of glorified air on and blasting. Still, you’ll foot the cost. Better than being mildly uncomfortable.

Pro. Getting dressed without Air Conditioning is a harrowing experience that often ends in the brave, overheated soul attempting it to declare, “I just… can’t. I can’t get dressed it’s too fucking hot. I give up. I… no. I’m not doing this.” The vanquished party takes a shower for the second time that day and collapses in a pile of defeat, never to be heard from or seen again until the next time it’s 75 degrees or below.

Con. While many people are willing to sacrifice our dear planet in order to add the luxury of Air Conditioning to their lives, there are some who make the eco-conscious decision to abstain, opting instead to use fans and other methods of ‘keeping cool’. Obviously, the person with Air Conditioning is aware that any large consumption of energy has a negative impact on the environment and they choose to use it anyway, which is their prerogative, but oh how they will be judged by the children of Mother Earth. AC owners are unlikely to care about this judgment, unless their decision negatively impacts their sex lives with a flower child. TC mark

image – Michelle Tribe

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  • http://www.facebook.com/earthtonichole EarthToNichole

    The second one is definitely true. My AC went out this weekend (I live in the South, where the summer temperatures range from 90-Hell) and it led to a male acquaintance taking pity on me and inviting me to stay at his place. Thanks, shitty apartment!

  • http://www.facebook.com/grc15r Gregory Costa

    Pro:  Have you ever had to work with labmates after having Indian for lunch without air conditioning? 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

    I DONT HAVE AC :(

  • http://twitter.com/MeBeingBrand Eugenio Volpe

    Con: AC enhances the wretched body odor of the scuzzy hippie sitting next to you at the cafe.

  • http://twitter.com/MeBeingBrand Eugenio Volpe

    Con: AC enhances the wretched body odor of the scuzzy hippie sitting next to you at White Electric in Providence, RI. 

  • http://twitter.com/MeBeingBrand Eugenio Volpe

    Con: AC enhances the wretched body odor of the scuzzy hippie sitting next to you at White Electric in Providence, RI. 

  • jack

    i was shocked not to see florida as a con

  • http://www.facebook.com/gregpphoto Greg Petliski

    So you women have become such loser hipsters that an air conditioner is now a sex symbol? Yeah?

    • andrewkem

       we get it, you love to hate women. really cool guy.

  • http://maxwellchance.wordpress.com Duke Holland of Gishmale

    Floridian. Always got the AC on. 

  • Susiederkins

    Now I feel really insecure about my want for AC and how I measure up against those tough, earth loving, responsible friends of mine who go without. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ramou-Sarr/18900644 Ramou Sarr

    I have lived in Boston without AC in my bedroom for 5 years and this year I finally thought about really doing it. But now? Now I’m just confused and unsure of my self-worth and what type of person does it make me if I get a window unit?

  • kimf

    It was 120 degrees this past weekend here in AZ. I’ll blast my AC loud and proud! 

    • blazingparakeet

      110 in Arkansas. God I hate air.

    • Rachel Butters Scotch

      woop woop az represent! I don’t think we can live here without ac. Too intense.

  • http://twitter.com/Cvamped Fergus Halliday

    Man….I need to get air conditioning.

  • Anonymous

    I hate air conditioning. I hate how it makes my contacts feel, I hate being cold while sleeping and wanting a blanket in the summer, I hate that I have to keep all my windows/doors closed, I hate that it makes me want to wear a sweater in july. I live in the northeast so while it get hot/humid in the summer it is not a necessity like I would imagine it is in florida/arizona etc. 

  • Waicool

     i love sitting inside with my air conditioner blowing max on looking out the window waiting for the earth to die while smoking joints, listening to my precious vinyl pressing of the sountrack to “hair”.  it is my favorite thing to do, i even stick my torn papers on the vents and watch them flutter, mother nature loves me so does the electric co.

  • air conditioning

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  • Jordan99oh

    love it so funny

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