I was always consciously aware that women were people I couldn’t seem to keep friendships with. Never did I start to really think about it though, until I had two relationships with guys who one of them seemed to have a problem with, while the other never said it, but I knew it was on his mind.
My first relationship was with an overly jealous guy whom I dated for a few years, however I knew him from grade nine of high school. Back in those teen years, I had girlfriends, a couple of them to be exact, whom I felt I was pretty close with. Don’t get me wrong, we had a lot of fun times together – nights of drinking, singing loudly, nonstop dancing, oh yes, those were great memories. However, something didn’t seem quite right. My two girlfriends at times seemed closer to each other than they were with me, and sometimes it was blatantly obvious when I wouldn’t be included in hangouts.
But I would let it slide and continue to try to hang on to these relationships. Of course over the years, it fell apart, and I had to finally admit to myself that this was not where I belonged.
Now going back to this first relationship I had, this guy was a friend during those times, and was by my side when things fell apart. He was supportive about it and told me I’d find better friends.
It never happened.
He would get frustrated with me when I seemed to only hang out and make friends with guys, who I felt much MUCH more comfortable around. I would constantly tell him that they were strictly friends, but a boyfriend will always be jealous his girlfriend’s male friend.
I broke it off with him, besides him being overly jealous, we had other issues and things just seemed to die off in that relationship, so it was best to part our own ways.
In comes my second relationship, much too soon after my breakup. This one only lasted a couple of months, but what was so different about this relationship, was that compared to my first boyfriend, this guy had A LOT of friends. He just seemed to click with everyone, so much at an introvert like me, was very uncomfortable with.
This one guy in particular had a female friend, who I immediately felt rivalry with. She was a typical girly girl, bleach blonde hair, gorgeous face, seemed to get along with everyone.
No, we never had any confrontations, but just because she was a girl, I refused to try and talk with her. It was always super awkward when she was around, and I felt very defeated by it because she was my now exes best friend. I believed him when he said there was nothing romantic about them, but the fact that she was the opposite sex, I took an immediate dislike to her and made it kind of obvious that I wanted nothing to do with her.
But with his other MALE friends, I got along with just fine. I had zero problems talking to them and made quite the impression on his friends at my easiness and relaxed attitude. And it was great, they had no problem with me, and I felt like I was a super cool girlfriend because of that.
Now this relationship ended because I didn’t have time to process my feelings towards my breakup, and yes, this new one seemed like a rebound in some ways. We had our fun and I enjoyed his company, but because I didn’t get to know him well before getting into a relationship, we discovered along the way that we weren’t very compatible.
One thing that still resonates with me to this day was when he told me he was disappointed in me when I didn’t try to talk with his female best friend. My excuse to him at the time was that I was a shy person and it took me a while to warm up to people. That though didn’t make any sense because I was more than willing to talk with his male friends, thinking about it now. But it’s all in the past and behind me.
I have one more back story to talk about though before I talk about my response and how it all ties in together. Growing up, I had two female cousins, one my age, and the other a bit younger. We were very close, had a very sister-like bond (I only have a brother). Around the age of 11-14, things started changing slightly, only because puberty and hormones started kicking in. I would notice that they would sometimes act very catty towards me, they would talk about me and I could clearly hear them, and when I would confront them, they would deny any of it, meanwhile rolling their eyes when I would walk away. But despite these small things along the way, we maintained a strong family bond.
When I was 16, I moved countries. It was a very difficult thing to process and I withdrew a little bit because it was very overwhelming.
When it came time to say goodbye to friends and family, one thing I will never forget, is that my two cousins, who were like sisters to me, didn’t come say goodbye. And it really hurt.
I was only gone for about a year before I moved back, because I felt so out-of-place when I moved away. And when I came back, my relationship with my cousins was tainted, I hold on to this grudge (which I know is ridiculous) for them never apologizing about it, and am more distant towards them than ever before.
Women who don’t have girlfriends, don’t have girlfriends because they’ve been negatively affected by the wrong kind of women.
I understand that it seems weird, I understand that it can shape them into having bad attitudes, believe me, I am by no means perfect and have flaws to my personality that I want to work on. But bashing and criticizing other women for not being able to get along with girls is the exact reason they don’t want female friends!
Do I think that every woman should at least have one girlfriend to confide to? Absolutely.
It’s NOT easy for a woman who has had bad experiences with other women to make girlfriends, and the resultant of those situations is bad attitudes and judgmental personalities, if they want to admit it or not.
We WANT to be able to confide in women, and we need the right women in our lives to be able to break down that barrier we’ve put up for ourselves.
If you see a girl who seems to only hang out with guys, TALK TO HER. Even if she seems to be the most intimidating person on the planet, TALK TO HER, because I can guarantee you she is a very fun and outgoing girl, and has the potential to be an amazing friend, and she CAN be trusted.
For all the girls who don’t have female friends: I understand your struggle. And I know for a fact that you have a desire to be able to connect with other women, you wish things could be different. Admit to yourself that there are things that need to change about your attitudes, I know how stubborn we all are, but it’s the first step to making changes.
Get out there and join clubs, volunteer, try to engage in conversations with women, don’t shut yourself away from them completely.
When you’ve been friends with guys for so long, our social skills with other women seem to die. But in order to be good at something, we must practice!
I just want you to know that you are not alone if you are worried about having no females in your life. I want you to know that you are not a weird person, and that you are special and kind, and have the ability to overcome your struggles, and that you WILL find your girlfriend.