I wish I believed in the saying “what’s meant to be will always be in the end.” I think it would be a lot less heartbreaking for us all just to think things didn’t work out because of “timing” and that everything will work out in the end, instead of looking at the root of the actual problem- the actual relationship. I think a lot of us just use that as an excuse to hold onto things that we know are falling apart, myself included. It’s a way of creating a fairytale type of story for ourselves when things don’t seem to be working out any longer.
But eventually you have to realize that the dream fairytale you created in your head just isn’t the reality.
I used to tell myself that things didn’t work out with that guy because the timing wasn’t right. We both weren’t ready or in the right place in our lives to commit to each other but deep down I knew those reasons are bullshit. We actually were just wrong for each other. Instead of us accepting the fact that things are really and truly over we hold onto a glimpse of hope that time and fates and the gods or whatever will one day work everything out for us. We hold onto all of these feelings so tightly and it prevents us from moving on.
By continuously telling ourselves “we’re meant to be and it’ll work out one day” we’re “letting go” without really letting go.
We’re saying more of a goodbye for now instead of a real goodbye. We think “oh no, later in life I’ll be with that person so there is no need to invest any time in other relationships now” but that is only hurting ourselves. This mentality gives the other person more control than you realize. Your heart is still pining for them as they really move on with their lives. So what we all really have to do is move on and realize what’s meant to be will happen because we will work to make it happen not because life will work itself out on its own.
I also used to tell myself that the friendship I thought would last a lifetime ended only temporarily because of distance or a minor disagreement when really we just no longer saw eye to eye and have grown out of a friendship with each other. There are some people who are temporary in your life.
Then one day I realized that people who truly want to be a part of each other’s lives make it work. They don’t leave it up to the fates or whatever the cheesy romantic comedy movies say. Majority of the time you do not run into that person on the street years later and you both realize you actually are meant to be. The end is really just the end.
So we need to stop making excuses. We need to work hard for the things we want in life. You cannot just leave things up to destiny. If we just constantly wait for things to fall into place and for the relationships to fix themselves then we will be waiting forever.
And the truth is some relationships are not fixable and we need to realize that some people, even as much as we want them to be, are not our end game.
I think the truth is that each and every single relationship is hard work (romantic or friendship). There is no such thing as the stars aligning and everything working out perfectly. If you are meant to be with someone, both parties will fight like hell to keep it alive. And if they (or you) aren’t fighting for it then it is probably not meant to be in the end.