Women Don’t Really Love Cocky Guys


I recall a time not very long ago when I was discussing with a friend the dating scene of today. We were lightly delving into the difficulties generally faced by men versus those widely experienced by women. At some point, my friend asserted that nice men get passed over because most women prefer cocky men. It was a casual observation, I know, but one that has caused women a good deal of trouble in the dating world.

I politely disagreed with my friend.

Beliefs of this nature are regularly spouted off by the men of MRA (Men’s Rights Activist) groups, those people Reddit calls “neck beards,” and “humble” men expecting to win their “princesses” through chivalrous niceties, only to find themselves foiled by some cocky “dudebro” with muscles. The fuzzy image looks pretty simple, but it’s more complex than this.

A female can see a nice man’s frustration palpably; she may even empathize with him. The disconnect between these men and women is not a lack of empathy on the part of the women, nor is it dislike of courteousness.

The problem is women can smell desperation on a man’s skin before she even speaks to him, and it is rarely attractive. I should add that men can do the same.

As for ‘cockiness’: technically, humans assign different values and meanings to personality traits. While our culture and our society deem ‘cockiness’ a negative quality — assigning it negative value — some individuals may find it attractive for subjective reasons, based on personal experience, interpretation, or even the play of that trait against other traits in an individual. For example, someone may find ‘cockiness’ appealing in one person, while having a general distaste for it in others. Some may find it is a tolerable negative trait, while untidiness or bluntness, for example, are not. The options are bountiful.

Furthermore, people may confuse cockiness with confidence (and vice versa) through misreadings or poor perception. But again, that which constitutes a trait is a subjective interpretation of human events compiled into an assessment — and we don’t all assess in the same manner.

Though upon viewing common opinion it is safe to say that those with one character “failing” tend to possess a few others. This occurs since those who lack an understanding of personal balance, self-awareness, and scrutiny are most likely to avoid self-assessment and are therefore susceptible to — sometimes multiple — flaws of character.

Additionally, women (and humans) with poor perception and discretion may believe they are perceiving confidence when they are, in fact, seeing cockiness displayed. The line is fine for both doer and observer of said cockiness. It may take women some time to realize what they see. Often, experiences may not provide enough evidence to a person’s character, or sometimes the observer is willfully ignorant to or unmindful of evidence.

Very frequently, emotions for or toward a person have a funny way of proverbially fogging the glass. A lack of objectivity contributes heavily to perspective.

In summary: ‘cocky’ is entirely subjective, and so interpretation will vary. For the most part, however, when a characteristic is perceptible to high numbers of people, it is often viewed similarly by those people. Cockiness is often confused with positive traits, such as confidence. Generalized statements about female perception as a whole, or even on a large scale, are incorrect. There may be trends (based on the times, classical behaviorisms, gender roles, etc.), but the motivation behind these trends will always differ.

On a positive note, where there is strength of mind, there is wise decision-making, and where the decision-making is wise, the results are favorable. Confidence attracts women and desperation repels them, and in the majority of cases, if vanity is disguised as pride, a perceptive woman will see it. As for those who misread? They would probably pair best with others like them. In other words, date wisely. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Lover of thought and communication. Writer. Politico. Strategist.

Keep up with Stephanie on Twitter and stephaniecasella.co

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