How often have we heard acquaintances complain that they’ve failed to keep the interest of a potential romantic prospect? How frequently have we listened to grievances regarding evenings squandered away on a person who had little intention of commencing a romantic relationship?
It is safe to assume this is fairly routine conversation in most social circles, particularly among young adults.
In my own experience — though I do not claim any sort of expertise on the matter — these struggles of connectivity stem from impatience. People coil themselves so tightly into exquisitely fitted ideas of attraction to a person that they forget to know a person. They race into infatuation and believe they feel magnetic forces when their eyes meet at socially appropriate times and within suitable circumstances. Shallow inclination offsets the virtues of forbearance that occur during the invaluable process of learning a person.
As a result, one party or another is very often disappointed by the failure to secure a mutually affectionate relationship.
This is precisely the fault, however. The emphasis in dating is habitually centered on acquisition, rather than establishing a foundation for respect, trust, and admiration to grow into a reciprocal alliance. So many relationships begin and end at attraction that there is not time for authentic and sincere feelings to develop — feelings based in more than preconception and resistant to the inevitable transience that arrives with austere realization.
So regularly do two individuals involve themselves with one another, only to discover the attachment is one-sided. One person falls in love and the other is frightened away, or even worse: is rendered indifferent. How wasteful it is to lose an opportunity due to impatience! If discretion is the make-or-break factor in maintaining a partnership, is it not prudent to employ such tactics — to display such deliberation — when it means greater probability for success? And furthermore, if the two parties are not suited to one another, is it not better to learn this mutually than to leave wondering?
Not to deviate too far, but I would not argue that there aren’t also necessities for short-term relationships or brief affairs. Some prefer these arrangements, and many enjoy removing tension from situations of attraction in the earliest stages. Still, I must confess I have witnessed these provisions operate effectively in only two sorts of scenarios: it works for those who do not view their own sexuality as a form of social currency and for those who see sex as a social, rather than a private, enterprise.
As most individuals deem sexuality a private manner, regardless of how many others partake in it, I generally conclude that patience is beneficial. Moreover, using discretion while dating and socializing is always recommended. A head-first dive into the universe of a prospective partner can sometimes ensure failure if there is a perceived difference in value; yet, when we employ composure over our immediate emotions, we permit ourselves greater opportunity to demonstrate our merits and charm.
If the average human seeks to bond with a special someone, dismissing the immediately unworthy and rushing into the instantly captivating does humanity no favors. People cast people aside recklessly and then marvel at their own inabilities to find romantic bliss. From the outside, it appears self-defeating because it is; but if instead, we opened our eyes and truly took the time to learn one another, we would likely surprise even ourselves.