We have all run into a past lover who needed mending. This person physically doesn’t look damaged or like they have excessive emotional baggage, but they reek of it once you have gotten past the tough wall you have taken time to chisel down brick by brick. While you were working to uncover layers of them, they were cementing new ways on the other side as protection against you. This is for a reason. They are broken.
Now that you have unearthed the deep layer of this person, you will realize the beautiful mess you have in front of you. You have now invested too much energy, emotion, and time to turn back now. You can see the potential the person has as a future them. Maybe, you are seeing your own mirrored self in them and want to save them in ways you weren’t. You want to become the person you wish would have rescued you back when you were broken, too. We live in a world where where patience for such matters is looked past. Social networks will ply you with temptation, giving you access to an overload of strangers who are less less challenging. Who wants to deal with a broken heart you didn’t break in the first place? To be equipped with such selflessness to take on this position is commendable and not an easy walk in the park so be prepared for the roller coaster of a wreck you will soon endure. Here are the downsides.
1. You will walk on egg shells in your path to romance. Your lover has had several disappointments in the past and now is fed up with love altogether, so giving you a chance is a painful risk. They will question your intention and every move; and overanalyze any word that escapes your mouth. They will doubt your honesty, and play mental games to test your position.
2. Their patience is depleted. They now recognize exactly what they look for in a lover. What they won’t tolerate, what they won’t stand for, how and where not to spend their precious time. This is a valuable commodity when trying to obtain depth in someone. There mistakes of the past will leave any room for mistakes.
3. Emotionally unavailable. This person is now turtle like and will keep vulnerability locked tight in there shell. They may like you very much or even love you and you may never know unless this is said. They have lost ways to communicate. This may frustrate you, but bear with them.
4. You will hear of the culprit exes. Actually, this is resourceful information for you to receive. You will be given a cozy window seat of their past, which will only help you master what not to do all while helping you implement ways to make up for what was once lacking. So pay attention. On a downside, the person may still be attached to the ex who has scorned the heart you plan on rescuing so it will take a time before they see you as the answer.
5. They will make excuses for why they shouldn’t date you. Remember: they are back to square one. Insecurities will follow them like shadows. In most cases, they will second guess their worth, making excuses as to why they don’t deserve you, when, in reality, they deserve all you have to offer — but they can’t recognize it. Don’t let a day go past without reminding them that you have their best interest at heart.
6. Roller coaster of emotions. Mentally he/she will be unstable. Emotions may fluctuate at speeds you may not be able to keep up with. Be prepared for hot and cold natures. There will be off and on days.
7. Wanting excessive amount of space. There will be days you see them consecutively and others where you will wonder if they fell off the face of the earth. During these times, they are stuck in their heads, basking in occurrences or better yet just adjusting to the new-found freedom of being unattached to the past that they have stepped away from. You may text or call and they may respond quickly or maybe hours later. Give them space, which is essential. Being pushy and demanding will only set you several steps back. Don’t take offense, be patient and become their safe place. Let them come running to you rather than away from you.
8. Holding back. You may find yourself giving more in this situation than what you receive back. Don’t expect an equal amount of exchange anytime soon until you are trusted. You will not meet any of their close friends for a while. They will only give in small doses if any. Getting to know the true core of them will be like reading your favorite novel backwards.
9. Intimacy issues. This will be a challenge. Before you are granted access into their most sacred realm, you may have to travel to the highest mountain peak of emotion, zip line through their past, and swim upstream down the tears of fear to dry land — only to parachute off of the cliff of hope. If not a task, you may just be a physical void. There are some people who move on quicker by hiding issues in places below the belt. I would suggest setting a solid foundation before taking this step.
10. You may make them whole for someone else other than yourself. This is the sad reality. Maybe you serve a greater purpose of showing and giving them the true experience of love they were unfortunate enough to receive before you came along. If you’re lucky, you will be the person who reaps the benefit of mending a broken heart. He/she will cherish you with the fruitful relationship you both desired.