Being the perpetually single girl that I am right now, I know way too much information about this awful “talking phase” that everyone in our generation is dealing with. It’s that phase where you’ve met, had some drinks, maybe exchanged a kiss or two, but still have zero clue where this roller-coaster is leading you to. It makes you overthink, over-analyze and undervalue everything about yourself. And, ladies, trust me I know, I have been through it firsthand. I have sent men running thinking that I somehow escaped from a hospital psych ward. So, I’m here to help you navigate this dreadful stage.
Mistake 1: Over-Analyzing
Ah, over-analyzing, this almost unavoidable but destructive habit can absolutely kill you during the talking phase. Unfortunately, us girls love, I mean LOVE to do it. It’s after you have an amazing first date with a guy, and you run over to your best friend’s couch and sit for hours retelling every single detail of the night. “He yawned when you talked about why the Notebook is your favorite movie ever? He must be a douche that’s just using you.” Typically, the type of conclusion that after about two hours of diving way too deep into the date will get you. But in reality, it was about 2 a.m. and a bottle of wine deep so the poor dude was probably, I don’t know, just tired? Over-analyzing the minute details will only cause you to come up with false conclusions, and opinions that really aren’t there. So, try not to think too much about it, you had a great time leave it at that and wait to see how the next date goes.
Mistake 2: Neediness
Usually, after a good sit-down session of over-analyzing it leads us into the next biggest mistake we make during the talking phase, neediness. This is where you start to text him first (or maybe five times in a row), you question his motives, he last minute asks you to dinner and you cancel any plans you had to accommodate him. He’s having a boys night out? You want to know who, what, when, where and why. I feel that the best medicine for this is to remember who you were before you ever met this guy. You lived a full life before him, you have friends (hopefully), a job, hobbies, routines. It’s best to continue to stay focused on those things and stop giving this guy who you barely know all of you. This will keep you confident and sane knowing that if it doesn’t work out with him you’ll survive. You’re a strong independent woman who don’t need a man.
Mistake 3: Bad Advice
This one awful dating habit might be the one I personally struggle with the most. I typically don’t trust myself to handle the talking phase in the correct way, so I seek out the advice of every, and I mean every single one of my friends. The best friend that is engaged, the best friend who’s never had a boyfriend in her life, the one who’s never been single in her life, all these different personalities and opinions I take and do EVERYTHING they say. Sarah says text him? I do. Then Jessica says ignore him for three days? Done. I’m not saying don’t take your friends advice. Most of the time our friends are the ones who truly know us best, but also everyone is going through their own life issues and sometimes even though they don’t intend to our friends steer us in the wrong direction. They weren’t there on the date with you, they don’t know the guy the way you do so listening to advice from someone who truly doesn’t know the situation can cause you to destroy something that could’ve been incredible. Listen to your gut when it comes to dating, it’s the only thing that truly knows best.
Mistake 4: Playing Games
It could be a controversial opinion, but I don’t think you should play those ridiculous games every article under the sun tells you to do. All games do is build a foundation of mistrust from the beginning, that will haunt the relationship forever should it lead to something more than just talking. It’s not worth the mental energy it takes to play the games. Be honest and open with who you are. If you’re a planner, don’t try and act like this spontaneous wild girl. If you don’t even know how to turn an oven on, don’t lie and say you’re this incredible cook. Let him know who you truly are because eventually the real you will come out, and you want someone to fall for the real you. Not a made-up version of yourself you used to trick him into dating you.
Ladies, dating sucks. There is no way around it, there is only learning how to get through it without letting it consume and change you. Keep your head held high, be honest, and please be yourself. Your true self is the most unique and beautiful part about you. there is no one else in the world that is the same as you. From the mouth of one of my favorite authors Oscar Wilde, “Be yourself, everyone else is already taken.”