Guys, Here’s What We Think When You Wear Tights

It’s a big fashion trend right now for guys to wear tights with shorts over them. I see it in LA and I hear it’s rampant in NY. At first, tights were seen on men only in the gym and for workouts, but they have now have found a home in typical street wear styles. It actually looks good and when done right, and can make a man look stylish with a casual, creative flair.

Enter my platonic, stylish friend. This weekend he wore this tight/shorts combo out to the bar as we drank our way through the night. He looked good, as always; he’s hot and most women swoon when he’s nearby. Though we keep our relationship platonic, I have always been curious about what’s under the hood. And if that innuendo isn’t obvious enough – I wonder what size his penis is. It’s a fun game to try and analyze his stature, his walk and even his attitude to determine what he might be working with. And before you judge me, when I opened up to some my other friends about this, they confirmed that this was indeed one of the biggest mysteries at the forefront of all of our minds.

This one particular tights-wearing night, he drank too much and ended up back at my place on the couch. Like any good friend would do, I gently tucked him in and placed a glass of water on the coffee table nearby. Right as we were saying our good nights, he asked me, “Will you take my pants off?”

I’m fairly sure he meant it in the way an inebriated best friend asks to be helped out of his/her clothes does, however for a minute, I sat paralyzed and speechless.

This was the moment my girlfriends and I had been waiting for. We were finally going to figure out what he was working with. An accidental graze or a scan of an outline would be so easy once the multiple layers of tights and shorts were gone. I would be a hero. Who knows, maybe we could’ve taken our friendship to the next level and hooked up– he was hot enough I probably wouldn’t have had had any regrets, and even if I did I could’ve easily blamed it on the alcohol. Opportunities were endless when presented with this one proposition at 3am.

But after all that, the only thought that remained was, “Those tights look like a pain to get off.” And so I left him on the sofa, with his tights and shorts on and all his potential goodness covered up and tucked safely away from any impending naughtiness.

So gentleman, let this be a lesson to you – when you wear tights, although you look stylish and on trend, the loudest thought in a woman’s head might be that it’s too much work to take them off. And she’ll move on. TC mark

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