The Advice You Read On Thought Catalog Is Hardly Ever Accurate
By Steph Davis
Dear Thought Catalog,
I’m writing you on Notepad, Wordpad, whatever, because I’m writing from a crappy laptop. This crappy laptop, however, has allowed me to read your even more crappy “relationship” articles. Stop feeding (I just had to take off my wristwatch to type this because I am so offended and my watch is keeping me from expressing my feeling via typography in a speedy manner) impressionable Facebook “followers” easy advice. Life takes work. We may be a generation of ease, but it’s not acceptable.
You’re promoting divorce and unhappy relationships. “10 Things Guys Hate That Girls Do,” “Why I Left My Significant Other,” “How I Knew I Married The Wrong Man…” Fuck off. You are promoting a culture of “Never Satisfied.” Stop It. I met a man, at my place of work, and we have since been very happy, for over two years. We moved in within a few weeks, and we have pledged an allegiance to each other and our relationship numerous times. Verbally. I’m tired of reading your articles about why I shouldn’t be content or happy in my relationship. Or why he “isn’t the one for me?” I’m 26 and I’m here to say, you can be happy. Right here, and right now, with the person in front of you. I’m not waiting for the next best thing because I’m an adult. I understand things aren’t always easy. My generation is not that stupid to think that we can’t be happy. We are competent enough to know that relationships take work and it is a struggle. That’s what the fuck life is. A mother-effing-struggle. If anyone thinks it’s easy, then they aren’t equipped to be or able to withstand a healthy relationship.
I was an irresponsible dater. I fucked around. My best move was standing in a bar with a cigarette in one hand and the other in my purse “pretending” I couldn’t find a match. It worked well when I saw a man across the bar who thought he could be my Prince Charming. With a match. That was all it took. I knew what I was doing and I conned him into thinking he could save my whole world. Wrong. This was me at 20 with a fake ID. It took me a four years of an on and off relationship to realize that was the wrong way to start anything. It was based on a lie. Stop telling women “THIS IS HOW YOU GET A MAN”. And stop telling them to “IGNORE EVERY MAN.” Go out, meet people and be grateful for relationships forged. That relationship brought me to the man and the relationship that I am now capable of being in. Healthily.
Stop telling us that we are bound for divorce. Yes, the divorce rate is high. But haven’t you heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy? You are selling Facebook ads with every headline that reads “Why Your Marriage Fails,” “How to Be the Best Wife,” “Why His Mistress Pleases Him Better Than You.” You are encouraging the divorce rate with every clickbait you publish. What you should be doing, is telling the world that, yes, it is possible to be happily married. Marriage might fucking suck, and it does some years, and it might be a lot of fucking work, but what you, and many other publications fail to tell anyone, is that it is actually fucking worth it. Or else you shouldn’t enter into it. Duh. I’m calling on every writer and publisher and who ever the fuck else works for Thought Catalog, to go back and ask your parents, your grandparents or anyone over the age of 60, what did you do to make your marriage work? I bet you 8 of 10 will say “I tried.” Tell your readers this!
Stop telling us we will fail. Stop giving us tips on how to divorce or how to recover. Yes, for some, it is relevant. And I’m sure the solicited advice may be well worth the read. For the rest, you’re making us feel like we should be ashamed for being happy and in a healthy relationship. Stop encouraging divorce, separation, etc. There are shitty men and women in the world. There are also really amazing people who find the one that they want to spend the rest of their lives with. Or at least the rest of right now. You encourage the idea of “Oh, well, you know, it wasn’t awesome, and I lost passion so now I don’t want that.” Fuck off. Learn how to work through it. Stop being a generation of instant gratification. Life is work, it’s supposed to be. Good things don’t come easily. It’s called tenacity and I’m pretty sure my generation doesn’t know the definition.
I could be in a completely different relationship five minutes, five years, 20 years from now. But it won’t be because I didn’t try. Grow up, readers of Thought Catalog. and be happy with who you are and where you are. Demand better advice, stories, testimonies. Live and love for the moment, and stop reading these articles that will tell you what and how you should be living.
Thought Catalog, it is your responsibility to play both sides of the fence. (And don’t you dare tell me that you do, because all of your sponsored articles are the ones encouraging “Be Happy When You Leave Your Lover,” and “How to Be An Individual When Your Partner Leaves You,” And not only on my feed, so don’t you dare say that it is based on some algorithm.) You know what? Your partner wouldn’t leave you if you worked on your relationship the way your parents and grandparents did. Or just the way you should work on it. Life is a work in progress. Put down your goddamned phone and talk. That’s how you guarantee your partner doesn’t leave, you fucking talk about things. You talk about the weather, you talk about your brother in prison, you talk about how you experienced depression as a teenager, or why you love daisies. It’s a conversation. Do you guys remember those?
It’s time to grow up and rebel against the idea that we are likely to fail. Don’t feed us bullshit about how we can accomplish anything, only to tear us down once we do. Happiness is real, even if fleeting. Or forever. Who knows? I’m sure as hell not going to tell you the difference. That’s your mind to make up.