I’m Too Tired For Your Games Anymore

I’m so tired of this.

I’m tired of crying all the time because you’ve upset me and I feel like I can’t tell you because that makes me crazy and clingy and not “chill.” I think I’ve cried more in the last month than I have in my entire life.

I’m tired of you saying I’m the coolest girl ever, and you want to work to deserve me and then not following through. I hate it so much when people say they’re going to do things and then they don’t. I don’t need all these useless platitudes to keep me in your bed. Apparently my lack of self-respect is already doing a good enough job with that.

So stop saying things you don’t mean.

I’m tired of you making me feel like everything is my fault — like it’s my fault you fucked someone else. And it’s my fault I didn’t set clear enough boundaries. Apparently, “we’re exclusive” isn’t a real boundary. And I’m so sorry that for once in my damn life I stood up for myself when you weren’t being very nice, and I didn’t come trotting over to let you fuck me. What a waste of time that little exercise in self-respect was.

I’m tired of you saying that it’s not about the sex. You and I both know you wouldn’t care about me for very long if I stopped having sex with you. You made that pretty clear when you said you knew I’d give it up before too long. For your sake, I’m glad I only inconvenienced you for a week of pretending to be my friend before I “gave it up” again. Don’t even try to protest this one. You went from “I want to hang out with you all the time and regain your trust” to silence the day I drunkenly opened my legs again.

I’m tired of the raised eyebrows and surprised looks people give me when I mention you after they know what you’ve put me through. It’s so pathetic that I’m doing something I would probably laugh about and pity if all of this was coming from another girl. The fact that just yesterday two girls felt the need to come up to me and say that you cheated on your last girlfriend and you’ll definitely do it to me again is too impossibly sad for me to wrap my head around. It doesn’t even matter if it’s true. Honestly, one way or the other, I really can’t care because I’m just too damn tired. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

featured image – Diana Kathrina Leomo

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