woman wearing black coat

A Them-Shaped Space

Them.
Someday,

somebody is going to come along
and make
a them-shaped space
inside of you.

Other people will make other shapes
and they will be beautiful shapes that you
love and
cherish
and weep for

and that will feel important.

But
there will always be this shape.
The shape that is shaped
like them.

It is shaped like long, long bike rides
and waking up at 4:54 a.m. every day.

It is shaped the way that
their smile slides across their teeth when they’re looking up at you.
Or down at you.
Or across at you—
at the slopes of your clavicles and the
dimple in your cheek
while you smile at something you’re not paying the slightest attention to,
and you look back
without looking at all.

The way they animate their whole bodies
when they’re
excited.

It’s shaped like

walking up behind them in the kitchen
and their hair is still wet from the shower.

Your heart stops.

You love them and you can’t help it.

It is shaped like that.

It is shaped like
the sound of their breath
when they press their lips into your neck.

It is shaped like their head resting
on your chest
in spite of all the things they say
they don’t know how to trust.

It is shaped like
laughing so hard your
whole body hurts
because you’re laughing at the way
they’re laughing,
and they’re laughing because
you’re laughing,
and
and
and…

It is shaped like being
so scared all the time.
and so, so certain
all the time.

It is shaped like
feeling like
there will never be
enough time.

It is a shape and a shadow that might
bask in the light of some other
them
someday
but there will always be
that shape.

There will always be
the space

shaped like them.

About the author
Stef more-commonly-known as Sauce | Writer | Death Doula ☠️| Queer | 7 Read more articles from Stef on Thought Catalog.

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