A Letter To My Future Lovers

Dear one(s), whoever you are,

There may be many of you.

There may be just one.

We might choose “for tonight.”

We might choose “forever.”

We might connect across a wide, wide spectrum of physical, mental, emotional and spiritual things. Regardless of the specific makeup of our shared experience, I’d like to lovingly set some boundaries now so that we can come together in the most truthful, authentic, and joyful ways.

The word “boundaries” makes us uncomfortable, I think, but here’s how I define them:

Boundaries are anything that allows us to operate from our deepest authenticity and truth, and I believe they can bring us closer—rather than further apart.

Boundaries means that to the best of my capacity to do so, I will not choose relating to you in any way because I’m afraid of saying no or hurting your feelings. Believe me, I still stumble sometimes. But rest assured that boundaries mean that in our shared experience, I am connecting with myself and asking where I am, and what I can really hold space for.

It means that I am assessing what I not only WANT to do with the energy we’re cultivating, but what I CAN do with that energy.

Maybe I have the capacity to give.

Maybe I have the capacity to receive.

Maybe I have the capacity to do both.

Maybe I have the capacity for neither.

You can be sure that I am listening for what is most true and doable for me in that moment because my TRUEST desire is to hold my own space safely, because that is my sole responsibility. Beyond that, my desire is to share with you the realest and fullest expression of me, because I believe that we share ourselves with one another as a way of coming closer to our own inner homes, and I’d like us both to have that incredible opportunity.

It means that to the best of my ever-expanding and constantly evolving and extremely human ability to do so, I will tell you what I want and what I don’t, and to be honest that might have absolutely nothing to do with you. It might have everything to do with you. It also means that I will ask where you are in YOUR body, energy and capacity, and I will honor that.

You might hear me say:

“This feels great, and I’d like to not go past the point of _________ right now.”

“I’d love to _______________.”

“I want you to touch me here, like this.”

“I need to take a moment to listen for what my body is saying.”

“What would you like to create together?”

“Would you rather give or would you rather receive?”

“What do YOU have the capacity for right now?”

“What ELSE can we do with this energy moving through us right now?”

“How are you feeling right now?”

“This is what I’m feeling right now.”

“What would you like to feel?”

“I need to stop.”

Or any number of other declarations or questions, and create conversation around whatever is asked or declared.

I’d LOVE for you to speak to me in kind.

If that doesn’t sound sexy to you then, my darling, we are not for each other and that is okay.

If that DOES sound sexy to you, I look so forward to our future encounters, and to what I’ll learn about myself through the gift of being consciously held by you, no matter how momentary or sustaining that is.

My commitment is to honor myself first, to relate with choice, to communicate from my most empowered place, and to collaborate with you as creatively as possible so that we can both come closer in proximity to personal freedom.

I can’t wait to meet you.

Thank you for being here with me,

Stef Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Stef more-commonly-known as Sauce | Writer | Death Doula ☠️| Queer | 7

Keep up with Stef on stefosofsky.subtack.com