When you’re pent up and looking for someone to play the friend with benefits role, it’s easy to make bad decisions when choosing your potential partner. Luckily for you, I’m the author of the book, “The Friends With Benefits Rulebook: How to Get in, Get Laid and Get out With Dignity and Even a Relationship” and I consider it my duty to shake you with the gusto of a 8.0 level earthquake so that the thought never enters your mind again.
Here is my list of people you should not proposition to be your friend with benefits.
1. Your Ex
It might seem like a good idea to turn to an ex when looking for a bed buddy to have no strings attached sex with. After all, you know you are attracted to one another, you may have a certain level of trust, and you’re not jeopardizing a chance at a real relationship given your current status.
However, turning to an old flame to light your fire is what someone who enjoys heartache and drama should do. There’s history there and things are very likely to get sticky or go sour soon. It’s far too easy to start reminiscing on old times with rose-colored glasses on, and pining for more. If you’ve already gone through the ‘getting over you stage’ after the breakup, you might find yourself back at square one when the other party realizes you want more than he/she does.
Also, I should mention if you were the one to break it off and you know your ex is still kind of into you, your hooking up will ignite hope in them that is not only unfair, but cruel. Don’t be that person.
2. Your Dream Guy/Girl
The solitary point of having a friend with benefits is to have someone fulfill your physical needs. If you have found your perfect dream man or woman who is capable of making you happy on other levels, why would you relegate this person to such a tiny part of your life? Save your emotionally unavailable state for the people you wouldn’t want to become emotionally attached to.
3. The Betrothed
The married person you’re seizing up for the position of your friend with benefits is unavailable so it’ll be harder for you to get attached… or so you think! You couldn’t be any more wrong. A lot of us tend to want what we can’t have and you might even convince ourselves that we want someone who is already taken for the sole purpose that they’re unavailable. I know how screwed up that sounds but it’s the truth.
There’s also a third party in the picture whom your actions could affect. When it’s just you and your friend making a mutually beneficial agreement, no outside person stands the chance of getting hurt. We want all the good karma we can muster! Furthermore, a person who is in a shaky marriage might be looking for someone to latch on as his savior for their failing relationship. There’s a high likelihood that the person will be you!
4. Your Co-Worker
If you don’t want to throw the job out with the bathwater, don’t even think about recruiting a co-worker (a superior, peer or employee). Not to mention, seeing each other every day and sleeping together tends to strengthen those bonding chemicals that you want to avoid in a strictly casual relationship.
5. Your Neighbor
Every good friend with benefits relationship should have an expiration date. It’s too tempting to draw your agreement out past the point of expiration when your buddy is literally just a stones throw away from your bedroom. Such casual relationships tend to get stretched into the multi-year territory and you wind up being single but very unavailable to other potential suitors.
Every good friend with benefits relationship should also end amicably, and they will if you follow my rules. However, life gets complicated, people can’t conceal their crazy and you may never want to run into your buddy again. It’s no fun sneaking into your own house to avoid the convenient run-ins and if you move on and they don’t, whenever you bring your new beau around prepare for awkwardness. It’s best to choose someone you can make a clean break from at the appointed time.