5 Signs Your Person Is Abusive And It’s Time To Leave

A girl ready to leave
Unsplash / Jordan Whitfield

You’re a confident woman.

You make decent money.

You’re smart.

You have a great life…

…except for your relationship with your significant other.

It sucks.

And, it’s a little bit scary.

Perhaps you’ve thought about leaving, but you don’t want friends and family to know.

Or your partner has scared off your friends, and your family lives too far away.

Perhaps you’re alienated from the people who have supported you in the past.

Maybe you don’t want to be alone…or just don’t want to be another break-up statistic.

So, how do you know when it’s time to leave the relationship?

Check if any of the following apply to you:

1. Your partner has ever been physically abusive to you or your kids.

No questions about it, no matter how sorry he is, or how much he promises that it won’t happen again, this is a no-brainer.

Hitting, choking, pushing or even threatening you or your kids in any way is wrong. It’s time to get out and stay out.

And don’t go back!

2. Your partner has a habit of intimidating behaviors when he’s angry.

This includes almost hitting you, punching walls or doors, towering over you or getting in your face, pushing or blocking you, making verbal threats, driving recklessly or speeding to show anger.

Controlling behavior like this is unacceptable; you should get out and stay out.

And don’t go back!

3. Your partner sometimes bullies you or forces sex when you don’t want it, or tries to regulate how many times you should have sex.

Example: “You must have sex with me at least 3 times per week. If you’re out of town, you have to make it up the following week.”

That is not normal, and not right. Being married or in a relationship is no excuse for sexual abuse. Other forms of sexual abuse include limiting access to contraceptives or purposely damaging condoms.

Again, controlling behavior like this is unacceptable; you should get out and stay out.

And don’t go back!

4. Your partner has stolen from you, withheld money from you or made you otherwise financially reliant on him or caused you to be financially unstable.

This could include things like forcing you to support him, refusing to work or constantly getting fired/quitting, gambling away your support, requiring you to charge up your cards, using money to control you, or even accumulating debt in your name.

Financial abuse is definitely unacceptable. You should get out and stay out.

And don’t go back!

5. Your partner tries to shame you or make you fearful for practicing your spiritual or moral belief system.

This can include demanding your allegiance to their own spiritual or moral beliefs. You may find yourself lowering your morals or adjusting your values to accommodate their behavior.

Or it could entail manipulating or pressuring you to for seemingly spiritual purposes that are really their own. Spiritual abuse is still abuse. You should get out and stay out.

And don’t go back!

Did you see your partner in any of those five scenarios?

Get help. You are in an abusive situation and it’s time to leave your man.

If you did see your partner in one of those scenarios, I know what you’re doing right now…

You’re hedging.

You’re making excuses.

You’re saying, “It’s not that bad.”

You’re thinking, “Well, at least he doesn’t hit me.”

You’re worried what your future looks like without him.

You’re compromising yourself.

Get help. You are in an abusive situation and it’s time to leave your man.

Yes, even confident women sometimes need to go to a women’s shelter.

If you don’t have a trusted friend or family member to spend the night with, Google “women’s shelter” in your area, call a nearby church, or a police station (you don’t have to make a report to get the phone number for a shelter).

Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

I know it’s scary. I’ve been there.

Listen to someone who has been abused in each of the five ways listed above.

Get help. You are in an abusive situation and it’s time to leave your man. TC mark

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