You know that feeling of waking up each day feeling like you’ve “grown” out of your soul? By that I mean, the feeling of emptiness. You find going to sleep, waking up and eating just a momentum of your daily life just to get things moving but you are not actually moving anywhere.
It feels so selfish of them to just choose to walk out of your life as and when they feel like doing so yet you are okay with them because you love them that much. Perhaps, more than yourself. Days go by, months, years even and you have filled up your void of happiness but then one day, you lie awake in your bed at 3am feeling so low and empty that you start to think, have I really moved on or is this a constant paradox?
You tell yourself that it is just one of those days that get you thinking of negatively and it is just a passing thought. You think further, is him/her a thought that is forgotten or hushed deep within mind, never to be spoke of as if taboo.
Why do allow them to occupy our thoughts? Why do we still give them the extra time we have on our hands to fill up our thoughts yet tell others we are busy?
People say we do not move on from something, we just get used to the pain. But are they right? We become comfortable with the idea/routine that they no longer physically exist in our lives yet mentally from time to time, we think about our past memories and they still live there, at the back of our minds.
We claim to be happy with their happiness but how is it peculiarly possible to feel euphoria and disconsolation simultaneously?
Some days we feel like love is rigmarole yet some days we feel effervescent at the thought of it. But that is the mistake we all make.
We make people our happiness.
Perhaps it feels like they can fill up that void of emptiness and solitude but then again they only occupy that moment in time and we mistake it for our true happiness.
Only we can make ourselves happy which is why we are able to switch our emotions and choose to feel what we really want to.
Please do not beat yourself up over what could have happened. We just have to accept that happiness comes from within because whenever we make someone our happiness, we give them power to destroy us.
Someday, you will wake up and realise that what you thought could have been worked out was a blessing that it never did. It is called a break up because the bond is broken.
We all deserve someone who loves us with every inch of their hearts yet we know we are our own person. The person responsible for our true happiness.
You are you. Unique, beautiful and talented. There is so much more waiting outside for you than to let that someone who thought you were not good enough for them occupy your thoughts.
It is time to put yourself out there. It will get better.