Who Is Responsible For Naming Cars?

Drive
Drive

I’m not sure what Nissan was thinking when they created the Fairlady Z, and I’d like to slap the dork responsible for the Dodge Diplomat. For real, was this a political declaration? Did you lose a bet or have a stroke?

How about South Korean company, Daewoo naming their compact car Nubria. I think this is a female private part.

What happened to all the rad-ass names of cars passed? My kids will never understand the noble legacy of a Lamborghini DiabloJaguar or Thunderbird.

Instead, they will choose to drive a Honda Jazz and end up a confused beatnik.

Who is responsible?!

In today’s politically correct age, we are faced with names like the Suzuki Esteem or the Chevy Citation. Do people really want to drive cars that refer to psychology and college? Names like this have no panache. 

Take the Ford Probe – this driver instantly and unfairly becomes a leper in the public eye. The Probe conveys no speed, style or even charm. The Probe says, “Come in for a good time, there’s no guarantee you’ll get out”. It is definitely a pervert-car.

Another winner – the Isuzu Mysterious Utility Wizard. I can barely dignify this with a response.

I drive a Saturn Ion, and the name makes me cringle. I’m not a scientist, nor do I aspire for this persona behind the wheel. I’d feel like less of a weirdo if it was named “Barracuda” or “Cobra” or something awesome.

So, whoever is responsible must know this: If the car is unfortunate to begin with, don’t add insult to injury. Give it a wicked name, or slap a Number Name on it. The Chevy 25.7The Ford 76.2. An unassuming, nondescript label would reflect the car best, and save the driver from a lifetime of shame. TC mark

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