Oh, co-workers. You’re paid to interact with these people 40+ hours a week and even if you were paid in gold, you’re still not sure it’d be worth it. Yes, sometimes you do have those co-workers that become outside-of-the-office friends, but that is a rare blessing. If you’re a single gal, there are a few core players that probably make up the cohort of your “work family”. Here’s the starting line up for your office:
1. The Mother Goose
This co-worker has married off all seven of her own kids and has made you her next conquest. As soon as she finds out you’re single, she will deliver you a daily list of her available nephews, neighbors, the mail guy, and the bagger at the grocery store down the street who you’re convinced is only 15.
She’ll give you a wink whenever the cute UPS guy walks in and will slyly ask about his girlfriend/fiancé/wife to check on his relationship status. Although she brings the thought of your single-ness to the forefront of your mind on a daily basis, you know she means well and she is one of the few people out there truly trying to help you snag a husband. Plus, you don’t mind the homemade treats and dishes she brings to the potlucks.
2. Miss Off The Market
This co-worker will sew her wild oats by living vicariously through your dating faux pas. She laughs hysterically at your dating stories and is the first to ask if you’re considering auditioning for The Bachelor. This co-worker makes you feel like a dating warrior when she asks questions or makes statements such as:
“I don’t know how you do it, I’d be so lonely!”
“I’ve just never been single, so I don’t know what its like.”
“You just do whatever you want, whenever you want?”
Again, these comments bring the fact that you’re single to the forefront of your mind on a daily basis. But, overall it’s fun to talk to these people because they seem to have a slight twinge of jealousy about your solo-riding life.
3. Mr. Off The Market
While you gaze upon this guy as a success story for some other female out there, he sees you as, Seabiscuit, a horse with a bum leg who should just be put out of it’s misery. To him, you’re past your prime and in his opinion, “If you haven’t been scooped up yet, you ain’t neva gonna get scooped up.” Lovely.
He views your failed dating stories as a stairway to bitter spinsterhood. He is quick to give examples of how his girlfriend is superior in every possible way to you. This guy doesn’t understand how you manage to survive without a male presence in your live. Your goal in life is to prove him wrong.
4. Mr. Office Casanova
This is the guy you fell in love lust with on the first day. This guy knows how to work the crowd around the water cooler. This is the one other guys look up to and the ladies shamelessly flirt with. None of the women in the office truly want to start a full-fledged relationship with Mr. Office Casanova, but they want him to want them. As a single gal, this guy is the Venus flytrap – he is alluring at first but if you get too close you’re going to get snapped at. Be careful with this one, I’m 99% sure he has an STD from Kelsey in accounting who always has lipstick on her teeth and wears work inappropriate outfits.
5. Mr. Prince Charming
This is the guy you wake up and go to work for everyday. You get the butterflies when this guy is around and at the end of each day you run home to tell your roommate stories detailing how he stopped by your desk and gave you a piece of gum. This guy is on a pedestal you will never climb. Every weekend you tell yourself that you will not allow yourself to be strung along by him anymore and that this week you will look at him as just a friend.
Thennnn, Monday rolls around and he is somehow holding someone’s baby at work and he looks so completely adorable it makes your uterus skip a beat and sucks you right back in.
Ah, co-workers. Can’t live with em’, can’t live without em’.