Addiction is something that seems to touch everyone in some way. Whether it’s you who has the addiction or someone you know, you probably know what it’s like to care and love for someone who chooses their poison instead of you.
I recently read an article written by a man who is an alcoholic. He shared how it’s not just an addiction, but a disease. He said that it was lonely and no one could possibly understand the feeling unless they were going through it, too.
Although I could comprehend what he was saying and I appreciated that someone was finally being honest about what it was like to live with alcoholism, I couldn’t help but wonder if he understands what it’s like to be on the other side.
Being in love with someone who loves alcohol is the hardest thing I have ever dealt with.
What’s so difficult about it is that you have to constantly remind yourself that the person you love is not the same person who is drunk on the couch (unless he is, then leave him now). Not only are they not the same person when they are drunk, but they become a person you don’t recall falling in love with. The may look and sound the same, but their mind is gone.
I love my boyfriend. We met a couple years ago when I started working at the same restaurant and it felt like something you would see in a movie.
I remember going home to my brother and his wife and telling them how cute I thought he was. I didn’t even know his name yet, but I knew I wanted to. A few days later, he actually asked me to hang out, and we did, and that was it. I don’t know if I believe in love at first sight, but if it’s real, then that was it. He has been by my side every single day since then and I am completely okay with that. He’s my best friend and I’m his.
About five months into our relationship, I came to see his problems with alcohol and I have continued to watch him struggle with it. We talk all the time about how he is going through something that I will never be able to fathom, but he doesn’t get what it’s like for me.
He says my life is easier than his. I say he’s wrong.
Sure, not being able to drink alcohol sucks, but at least he doesn’t have to remember everything that happened. He doesn’t have to remember telling me that he hated me on our one-year anniversary and then breaking up with me over the phone.
He doesn’t have to remember being so drunk on my birthday that he fell asleep for hours and didn’t spend even an hour with me. He doesn’t have to remember waking me up because he wanted me to make love to him and then, after I refused, turned porn on while I was in the room.
He doesn’t have to remember me coming home after a long day and finding him passed out on the floor in the bathroom and thinking he was dead.
He doesn’t have to remember anything. I do.
Alcoholism is lonely, but so is being with someone who constantly chooses the bottle instead of me. This isn’t me being mad though. I mean, I have every right to be and so does anyone else who is going through this.
You should be mad and you should be sad and you should cry, but you shouldn’t hate them. They are not who they genuinely are once that beer bottle touches their lips.
I guess I just want someone, anyone, to know that they’re not alone in this. Alcoholics have medicine they can take and they have AA meetings they can attend, but what about those of us who love them? Why don’t we get medicine? Why don’t we get meetings?
Like I said, I’m not writing this because I’m angry. I’m writing this for the girl that may stumble across this and not feel so alone anymore. I’m writing this for you. Whoever you are.