1. Your best bestie.
She’ll drop everything to shower you with sympathy, make immediate plans to come see you and throw you a “newly single” event with your closest friends. She’ll come over, bring a pint of your favorite ice cream and take out your trash. She’ll force you to shower when all you want to do is sit on the couch with your Netflix and wonder whether it’s better to watch to be a prisoner in Orange Is the New Black. Your best bestie knows what she’s dealing with and will be your first line of defense in transitioning back into a human again.
Your mother. Sister. Cousin. Grandmother. Someone who’s known you since you were little and understands the kind of person you were before the relationship. Who will take your pain with open arms as her own and tackle it with you to the ground. You’ll get honesty from these people. Comments like, “I didn’t like the guy anyway,” and, “You really dodged a bullet,” will come out like wildfire. Yes, you’re heartbroken and not out of love yet, so you’ll certainly be annoyed by these comments. You’ll call these people anyway because they love you and that’s what you need to be surrounded with right now.
3. Your Other Ex.
The one who you forgot about when your new ex came along, but now suddenly seems like a great possibility again. You’re grasping at straws just to feel that kind of connection again. It doesn’t matter that the Other Ex did not have much of a long term interest in you or didn’t treat you like the king or queen that you are. This Other Ex might either be completely weirded out that you’re contacting him or her or pleasantly surprised enough to invite you over.
4. Your Chinese food delivery person.
Though you don’t want to talk to anyone, so you’ll order online to the extent possible and answer the door in your bathrobe. The only think that can comfort you at this point are eggrolls, gobs of sticky rice and chicken with cashew nuts.
5. Your very single friend.
The one who never gets beyond the first or second date with another person, is perpetually hooking up but always single and will be psyched to have you back “out there” as a wingman. You’ll have instant company, a good ear and a person to go speed dating with.
6. Your masseuse, manicurist or hair stylist.
You need pampering. Tons of it. And perhaps a new look. You deserve it.
7. Your friend that travels.
Plan a really adventurous, fun-filled trip to some place you’ve never been. Research it and map out an itinerary together. Perhaps some time away will clear your head and give you the fresh start that you need.
8. A friend you lost touch with.
Because of all the time spent with your ex. You got the feeling this friend may not have been the biggest fan of your ex, which put you in a tough spot since this was certainly feeling like your future spouse, but clearly this friend may have been on to something. Apologize for falling off the face of the earth.
9. Your friend who likes to work out.
It’s time to get back out there. You can’t sleep anyway so you might as well hit the gym, go for a run and get back in shape. There are only so many calories to burn from crying and toning up will bring back some much needed endorphins. Plus you can chat about what went wrong while you pump iron.
10. Your friend with benefits.
Do you have one? Did you used to have one? No time like the present to call up the ballpen now that you need some relief pitching.
11. Your boss.
You don’t want your boss or work colleagues referencing you and your ex during working hours so you may want to mention the break up in a subtle way. Keep busy with work during the day (it’ll feel like a relief to have something else to focus on) and your heartbreak may have some unexpected benefits.
12. The person who got dumped and then ended up marrying the person who dumped him/her.
You’re allowed one phone call to a friend that made such a miracle happen. Because once you’re dumped, there is an 80% chance that there’s no getting back together. Ever. Never. You want to ask this person how he/she did it. How did they go from the pain of a break up to luring back the person who left them heartbroken? You’ll start to get hopeful. This could happen to you too. Right?! Think again. There is usually a reason for being dumped. Like the person who dumped you is an idiot that you shouldn’t worry about and certainly shouldn’t marry.
13. The good listener.
If you’re lucky to have a friend that is a great listener with some wonderful advice to share, hold on to that person! It’s helpful to reflect with someone who knows you well, but even better to talk out what you’re feeling to try to accept the pain, make sense of the confusion surrounding every break up and then eventually move on.