Maybe you are struggling to find someone to call right now.
During this global pandemic, our social media feeds are filling up with screenshots of group video calls, conference calls, and online game nights. We see pictures of and read snippets about people who’ve self-isolated with their loving family, partner, or roommates. Wherever you turn your gaze, there’s another article, post, or reminder to stay connected during physical distancing—it isn’t social distancing, they say. But for some of us, it is.
Some of us don’t know how to communicate the confusion that’s taken hold of our days. The people we call our own are caught up in their own upturned lives, just as lost as we are. We feel as though reaching out would be pointless—we know in our bones that we aren’t anyone’s top priority. And during these times, people look out for their top priorities. We neither want to burden anyone nor demand a place in their lives that isn’t ours. So we retreat into ourselves, settling for less than the sturdy love we deserve.
If you are horrified by what’s happening, feeling ignored and angry, wondering what you did wrong, I need you to remember this: You did the best you could in looking after yourself and getting through till this day. This unforeseen, deplorable situation was never in any of our plans. There was no way you could have stockpiled emotionally for this dystopian reality and the unlikely situation it’s resulted in.
Feel whatever is coming up for you. You have every right to be scared, frustrated, guilty, and confused. Know that you are not alone. There are so many of us all over the world feeling the exact same way. Whatever you are feeling right now does not make you less than anyone else.
Let this be a call for you to dig into and tunnel through those hard feelings. Allow for this to open your heart up a little wider. Remember that love not given turns stone cold into loneliness. You are simply too beautiful to harden, to shrivel up, to wither away. There is so much light, wisdom, and creativity in you that we need. So please find a way to share some of it.
Reach out to someone whom you love, even if it feels more vulnerable than you are ready for. I promise you that there is someone who needs exactly what you have. Someone needs your truth and your story to make it through this dark time in their own lives. There may even be someone who wants to show up for you but doesn’t know how to. Someone who wants to hold you but isn’t certain you want it.
Use this time to ask yourself what you want when this ends. Maybe you want to let someone know exactly what they mean to you. Maybe you want to tell someone that you wish you were closer to them. Maybe you want to discover what your relationship with yourself means. Maybe you want to get closer to you. Start ploughing the land; start planting. The seeds will bloom at the end of this unrelenting season.
This time may feel lonely and frightening. But despite everything that the horrible voices in your head are saying to you right now, you have a chance to emerge from this kinder, gentler, and filled with more love than you were open to before. I hope you find the strength and clarity to choose it.